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Thursday, July 17


saya teringin melihat bunga api
membuat langit hitam jadi berseri
terang cahayanya yang mendakapi
menghibur semua saudara saudari

saya teringin melihat bunga api
memancar ke awan dari bumi
bagai mayang kembang mewangi
setiap kelopak berwarna-warni

saya teringin melihat bunga api
sesudah mengembang, ia kembali
ke bumi dengan menghujani
gerimis halus bak permata hati

saya teringin melihat bunga api
jadikan malam ber-mentari
izinkan saya melihat bunga api
bersama-sama engkau di sisi.



yes, my frens. i can still speak malay. and i write pretty decently too.


and...
especially for inez.

i want to watch the fireworks
that make the dark sky sparkle
its bright rays embrace all
a treat to boys and girls

i want to watch the fireworks
launched into the sky from earth
they bloom like scented flowers
each petal a riot of colours

i want to watch the fireworks
fully bloom and then return
back to earth in the form of rain
like drizzles of gems and jewels

i want to watch the fireworks
make the night time sunshiny
allow me to watch the fireworks
with you there right beside me


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:04:00 AM
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Wednesday, July 16


pada suatu hari, ade satu orang manusia. dia tanya saye, "ain dah tak masok tarian lagi?"

saye pun berkate, "oh. da tak lagi.. belakang sakit.."

hmm. sebenarnye, cerita itu cuma half-truth sahaje. saye dah tak menari sebab rase tawar hati. kecewa. disappointed.

saye tau lah saye ni bebal sikit.. lambat nak pick up steps awak kan.. tapi setiap kali saya cuba sedaya upaya.. cuma tak diberi peluang.

saye tau lah saya kudut kedengkik.. apetah lagi kalau hari2 berkinja waktu dance practice. saye tau saye somehow tertinggi. tapi ter.. tak sengaje pe. saye tau la bentuk badan saye merepek, disproportionate.. tapi saya tak leh control seme ni.

saye tau awak salah sangka tentang saye.

saye actuali budak baik.

okla. tak baik sangat.

in fact, kadang2 saye jahat.

nak cakap saye tak suka awak tak leh sebab nanti awak salah sangka ingat saya tak respek awak. nak cakap saya suka awak pon tak leh sebab nanti saye berdosa sebab berbohong.

so in the end, saye tak tahu ape nak cakap.

sebab tu saye cakap yang saye sakit belakang.

tapi memang betul lah.



wassalam.


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:35:00 PM
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Thursday, July 10


hokay!

finally, i am ready to blog about HK. yes, after like a full month probably of being back, finally, u get to enjoy the pics. muahahaha. since it was a week long trip and i got a lot to talk abt, i'll be doing it in installments, so check back to see updates, and update ur ie explorer so u can see my blog in its entirety!


DAY 1 - HONG KONG (Lantau Island & Temple Street)

we left on 11 may, at 6.40am on a jetstar flight. yes, 6 freakin 40 am, yet, we still managed to bump into a few other girls from marketing who were also holidaying in HK. oh how small the world.

anyhoo, there were 5 of us, inez (xy), shaozhen (sz), kate (xr), huiting (ht) and urs truly (ain). here we are before departure, and right before boarding. yes, at 6+ am.



right before departure
XR, HT and XY

6.30am
me and SZ

Touched down at Chep Lak Kok airport at Lantau Island (all this sound like cuss words to me, i swear) at 1025 am and were shocked when the pilot announced that the temp was 22 deg cels. "shit!" i thought out loud, "isn't it supposed to be summer here?" but i was thankful actuali coz at least i got to get away from the humid and blisteringly hot local weather.

it was cool that we got to travel on the airport runway in a bus (coz the airplane landed quite a fair bit away from the terminal). HK is pretty easy to describe.. its like Singapore but with more neon lights, "mountains", fog, super tall and skinny buildings and well-dressed women. but i'll talk about that later i guess.

anyhoo, prior to the trip we had done quite a lot of research and planned our itinerary, so we pretty much sticked to it, safe for a few changes (for eg, we omitted a seafood dinner to safe money so that we could shop more). we proved once and for all that women are fantastic with directions coz the only time we got lost was when we followed xr's fren, who's a guy. other than that, we took public transport all thru the trip. in fact, we took all forms of transport - bus, airport express, star ferry, peak tram, MTR (which is their MRT), cab, cable car... and we walked. we walked a whole freaking lot. we walked everyday. we walked til we had blisters and flat feet. the hongkongers can realli walk i tell u. there's no jiggle in their legs, and they do it in high heels and tight pencil skirts.

but, i digress. being the smart, kiasu, everything-also-want-to-see travellers, we didn check into the hotel straight away. we left our baggage at the airport and went to see the sights on lantau island. here's us figuring our way from the airport to ngong ping 360 to go see the big big buddha.

HK just outside airport

Bus has seatbelts
the bus got seatbelt can.. safety first.

it was a sunday, and the day before buddha's birthday, so the place was reali crowded. i would imagine that it wouldnt have been so crowded any other day. we just sorta landed on a wrong day. hee3. it was fun nonetheless.. and a preview of how cold HK could be. fyi, the statue is the biggest outdoor bronze sitting buddha statue in the world. now say that 5 times just for kicks. to get there, we had to sit in the cable car for abt 30 mins. and its not like the sentosa one, mind u. its damn high and damn long. and i have a phobia of heights. so the pics were taken before i got scared. hee2.

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take my pic before i get scared
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we finally reached ngong ping village, and we proceeded to the Poh Lin monastery first because we were starvingggg! the vegetarian meal was super duper delicious can! i din noe vegetables can taste that good. and since its a monastery, it didn even have those mock meat stuff, it was just vege dishes but it was vegy vegy good!! tt was abt 100HKD per person.. probably the most expensive meal we had thruout the trip. but it was so sedap i tell u. beancurd skin with lemon paste dish.. i still see u in my dreams... yam paste.. springroll.. slurpssss.....

k. after the food, we went to meet and greet the buddha. but to reach enlightenment have to climb staircase can... burnt pretty much all of the calories from the lunch.


view from the bottom to the top



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view from the top to the bottom



i tink they are buddha guardians or sthg

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i know i wasnt supposed to "touch" the buddha.. but i couldnt help giving it a hi5! n he looks like he's glad i did!

after the buddha, we went back via the cable car, and proceeded to our first shopping destination, Citygate outlet mall! as the name suggests, it is a mall, full of outlet stores, from Adidas to Puma to Timberland to Esprit to Calvin Klein etc. of course i went a bit mad.. but i controlled myself, knowing that there would be more shopping in time to come. i managed to buy stuff for my loved ones at home tho. but them the more expensive things so i can shop for cheaper things for myself!

once we were done shopping, we headed back to the airport to collect our left baggage. and oh, we bought HK's Octopus Card for our stay there. its like an ezlink but u can tap it in a lot of places, like restaurants, bus, trains, trams, even ferries! our card included a one way travel pass on the Airport Express, which is a special "posh" train that transports people from the airport in Lantau Island to the main HK Island. Our hotel was in Kowloon, however, so we had to switch to the MTR line. but overall, its damn easy to get around and the locals are very helpful to foreigners.


so posh.. got plasma tv can..

once we arrived at the hotel, it was abt 8pm.. our hotel is quite a posh YMCA, located like a minute away from the YauMaTei MTR station. for the price we paid, it was a damn good deal. like.. less than S$40 a night.. in HK.. for a 4 star hotel. fuuh. and since it was walking distance from Temple Street, 4 of us decided to head there while XR went to a bar with her friends.

Dinner that night was at McDonalds. haha. i had a crawfish and mango sandwich from Mc Cafe. it was nice, the food and the 4 of us talking cock, feeling familiar in a foreign place.



Stay tuned for Day 2, where we went to Central to shop at H&M, to the Peak and Madame Tussauds!


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:50:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 10


it bugs me.

the only time i reali feel the need to blog, honestly, is when i feel lousy, or angry or just generally upset. despite all the lovely things that has happened to me in the past month or so, this is the time when i choose to write. when im in this pissy, lousy, foul mood.

perhaps its cathartic.

yea. there's that.

perhaps i write when im in this condition coz its the onli time i dun talk. and the thoughts that are running thru my mind.. the god awful thoughts. perhaps i write coz i cant open my mouth. when im upset and i open my mouth, tears flow out, like they are somehow connected in a weird way.

its stupid. i guess i didnt do enough crying when i was younger.

things happened and a small thought was conceived in my head. i brought it up. "we should take a break. i need a break from you." "how could you do this to me? why are u so selfish? how could you hurt me like this?"

this is who i am. confident, assertive, cold, friendly, coy, on the verge of a flirt, or a slut (i am aware of wat u all think of me), demanding. but i am soft hearted. and i hate it. because i want to be cold, indifferent, selfish.

second time. the thought grew bigger. "we have to work things out. we have to be open minded. this is not working. we should consider other options. other people." "are you mad? how could you say that? you are talking nonsense. you are mine. i'll fight for you."

im not yours. i dont wish to be. you think you love me but all you want is for me to love you. if you love me.. well, i wont tell you wat to do.

the thought, now like a tumour, vehemently threatens to take over my mind. its threatens to take over me. i try to shove it to the back. back of my mind.

"we communicate. we miscommunicate. you misunderstand me. always." "its always my fault. im always wrong. im lost without u. dont do this to me"

and the final blow.

"now i know why people always think you're cold"


thank you. for clearing that up.

i am cold.
but i am not fake.

i am nice.
but i dont pretend to be nice just so ppl will like me.

i know exactly what i want.
but i am not demanding. i will get it myself if i have to.

i am not high maintainence.
and u know it.

i know more about god and religion than u think i do.
but i dont show it to appear holy or good.

i am soft hearted.
this is an observation from ppl who know me well.
i've never thought that i am.

i have a lot of love in my heart.
though it may not be obvious.

i am not smart.
i just happen to be a fast learner.
and.. u're not stupid.


as long as i am with you, i hold myself back from getting to know others. because i know you trust me. and because i dont ever want u to not trust me.

i am selfish.

let me be selfish, please.

turn your back and leave me. angels will come after your seventh step. and i shall be judged.



ps. as it is policy, the contents of this blog shall not be discussed outside the confines of the 4 walls of this webpage. please respect my wishes.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:30:00 AM
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Saturday, May 10




suitcase all packed up and ready to go. and yes, u do see instant noodles at the top and an extra collapsible luggage bag on the right.

insyaAllah makan, minum dan solat semua masih terjaga kat hong kong tu. walaupun subuh kat sana kul 4+am and syuruk kul 5+. Harap2 tak terbungkus la ye.

leaving on a jet plane tmr at 6.40am. harap2 pray for my safety la ye.

auf wiedersen!

cayang awak!


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:45:00 PM
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Wednesday, May 7


my life as we knew it has ceased (temporarily i hope) as i take a brief hiatus before trudging into the unknown, unofficial "second part" of life.

instead of panicking in light of the absence of a stable employment (and more importantly, financial inflow), i am thoroughly enjoying myself, doing nothing, and thinking abt nothing. i've already turned down 2 offers thus far and waiting for bigger things to come. i'm not in a rush and i hope my decision to wait will prove to be right insyaAllah.

wat better way is there to fill up time then to try out new recipes. so far, i've been really successful with recipes like italian lasagna and penne with cabonara sauce. also tried a recipe from nigella, deep-fried calamari with semolina and paprika which was so crunchy, spicy and yummy. i even made my own deep fried chicken wanton which was super delicious. and of course, i have almost mastered the british fish and chips, substituting beer for zappel of course. haha.

this week, however, i decided to make dessert. and as usual, its always a transcontinent affair. yesterday, i made a traditional chinese dessert, Tang Yuan. its really easy to make and fun to eat! tang yuan is a sweet dish that they sometimes serve for chinese tea ceremony or during reunions and stuff. it was originally made for lantern festival, but since its nice and easy to make, people now eat it all year round.

to make tang yuan, i used 2 cups of glutinous flour and about half a cup of lukewarm water. mixed it together with my hands (i wore gloves coz i dun like things sticking to the parts in between my fingers) until it was sorta an elastic dough consistency. IM SORRY i dun have pictures....... didnt even think of blogging abt it actually. hee2. anw, i then divided the mixture into 3. i coloured one of it green, with a touch of honeydew flavouring, and the other yellow, with banana flavouring. [im lucky coz all these things are always found around my house anyway]. i then shaped the dough into small, marble-sized balls.

Next, i added 2 cups of sugar, 4 cups of water and some pandan leaves in a pot and heated it up to make a syrup. i then only needed to plonk all the glutinous balls into the syrup and waited for them to float. once they float means they are cooked and i took them out. to make the "soup", i threw away abt 2 cups of the syrup and added 2 cups of water to make it "thinner". also added ginger slices which gave a very nice aroma. put all the balls back into the soup and voi la! DONE! the dish can be served hot or cold. since i put flavouring into the coloured balls, they sorta tasted like bubblegum, very nice!!



check out my tang yuan!


today, i wanted my tastebuds to fly from china to spain so i made churros, which are a very popular tea time sorta snack sorta dessert in spain and mexico. if u love cinammon flavour and cinnamon pretzels from auntie annie's u HAVE to try this recipe. i even took pictures which i hope will inspire u to try!

to make churros, u need to first heat up 1 cup of water with 50gm of butter and a tablespoon of sugar. once its hot, turn the heat off and add in 1 cup of all-purpose flour. quickly mix it up until it becomes a soft dough(it should all come together into a ball). next add in 1 egg and stir it in. if the dough becomes too soft, add in some flour again to make it a ball. now, u leave it to cool.




meantime, u should prepare the sugar cinammon. its just one tablespoon of cinnamon powder with 3 tbsp caster sugar. if u dun have cinnamon powder, u can just ground a cinnamon stick, mix with sugar and sieve the mixture. spread it on a plate.





when ur dough is cooled, put it in a piping bag, with a star-shaped tip (this is the best shape i swear coz it gives a crunch at the edges and allows the sugar to stick to the nooks and crannys). heat up oil abt 2 inches deep and pipe the mixture into the oil, cutting it abt 10 cm each (or wtv u like). i usually use 2 seperate piping bags, one for the dough, which i put inside another one with the tip. this way, the dough doesnt stick to the tip and i dun have to waste time scrubbing it.fry til deep golden brown, drain the oil on a paper towel and roll it in the sugar-cinnamon mixture.





and voila!




CHURROS! a spanish teatime that is sooo fabulous when eaten with traditional hot chocolate. YUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMYY!

with all these dishes and desserts under my belt, both my parents (even my mum!) have proclaimed tt i am ready to get married! FEEEEEEEWIIIIIIIITTTTT!! i urge u babes and dudes to try these really easy recipes to impress the heck out of ur parents and partners!


Posted by theblackazure @ 6:00:00 PM
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Tuesday, April 15


alhamdulillah.

all thanks to god for giving me the strength to put this trying episode behind me, although i must say, for the first time in a long time, i simply wanted to crumble and not get back up.

its no secret, i like to think. not only am i opinionated, i also feel very strongly about my ideas. as friendly as i am and as much as i, and other ppl, like to think im an extrovert, there is a very large part of me who is not. in fact, most of the time, i like keeping my thoughts, my problems, my feelings, and any issues im facing to myself. i dont know if this is good or bad, but i do know that it results in pretty bad consequences. u see, when i keep things to myself, these things start to compound and the weight of all my thoughts start becoming so heavy for me to shoulder. i bear a burden of thoughts, like those african women who fill water in pots and put it atop their heads. (i literally feel this way when overcome with thoughts and emotions).

the thing is, i have a breaking point, when i feel i cant carry the weight anymore. when i do feel like this though, i tend to tell everyone who's anyone about exactly what is going on in my head. well, not evryone, but i tend to rattle off everything to whoever's willing to listen. but tts the key right there, i just need somebody to listen to my thoughts. i dont need or want u to agree, judge or corroborate, and for the love of god, if u have never been in the same situation, spare me from your "wise advice".

on that note, i think im actuali very clear on wat i want from ppl, mostly becoz im very straightforward abt it. if i want u to listen, i just say hey, i need u to hear me out on this idea. if i want ur opinion, i'll ask, what do u think abt it? if i want advice, i'll ask, what should i do? the problem is, ppl tend to confuse the last 2 scenarios. when ppl ask for ur opinion im guessing they're not asking for advice. they're asking for ur perspective on tt matter.

i have noticed though that most of us are NOT good listeners. and if i have to stereotype, i'd say tt gals in general tend to be more sensitive listeners. guys, well they're guys. they're horrible listeners. they only think abt wat they want to think and are only superficially interested in your problems. remember the scene in the simpsons movie when marge was talking to homer and a monkey was clanging cymbals in his head? tts exactly how i picture guys to be. they may look/sound interested at wat ur saying, but they're actuali thinking abt something else and while u are talking, they are figuring out how to bring in wat they want to talk abt into the conversation.

the thing is, they actuali know tt women need a listening ear and like men who listen and tts y they always PRETEND to listen. now, they've evolved and even ask us to share our problems with them. its not like they reali want to know. its just a thing to show that hey, i am sensitive and i care abt u.

im not trying to be cynical, but reali, i think its all fluff. there are exceptions tho. men who are good listeners exist, but they're as rare and elusive as giant pandas. personally, i find that the most sensitive (straight) guy friends (sensitive guys make the best listeners) i know are guys who are still single. honestly! tts y i like to hang around single guys, they are usuali very willing to listen to wtv crap u wanna say. but perhaps it is their sensitive nature which explains y they are still single. hmm. its like a twisted vicious cycle of sorts eh?

i brought this issue up not because i think i can change the way men are. i am highlighting this to all my gals who expect ur man to be there and listen to ur issues and ur woes. its never gonna happen. they'll listen but superficiali. and if u ask them for their opinion, they'll give u their "advice". which is so damn annoying because its so darn condescending!!!

a note to all the fellas reading. next time ur girl shares her issues with u, pay attention to what she wants. if she wants an opinion, DO NOT start ur sentence with "I think eh, u should .......", instead start with "From my perspective/view" or "The way i see it....". JUST DONT tell her what she "should do" unless she specifically asks.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:27:00 AM
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Sunday, March 16


this post is gonna be needing a title and im gonna call it

"the bestest day ever with my bestest friend ever!" =]

yesterday we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary of our first date. (we take this date as our anniversary coz neither of us can remember the date when we officially became bf-gf. actuali, we cant even rmb if we officially declared ourselves as gf-bf. haha) the actual date is 11.03 ah, but we're busy on weekdays mah.

it was reali one of the bestest day i've had ever. coz i rmb at the end of the day, as i laid in bed, i was just smiling there like an idiot.

my day began with a morning wake up call from my love, and after the usual rolling around in bed, i went about with the chores. about noon time, i heard the door bell and panicked a lil bit coz i still havent bathe and was still in my shorts and tshirt. i was tinking "eh, he is still having tuition ma.. cannot come so early one rite? die la.."

i was relieved to see an ahpek at the door, so i opened, tinking it was the karung guni.

ah pek says, "Flower"
ain says, "Flower? wat flower sia?"
ah pek says, "Flower.. flower.." and shoves some pieces of paper in my hands.

"this one ur address hor?"
ain looks at paper then says, "yah.. y?"
ah pek says, "flower" and shoves a big blue box with a dangling teddy bear on it.
ain was still stunned so she just take without saying anything.
ah pek says, "nah, u sign here"
ain signs there and give ah pek the pen back.
ah pek closes my gate and walks away.


took a few seconds to realise that i received flowers!!! from my boyfriend!! haha. this is the second time la, but its damn big!! a bouquet of pink roses in a huge display box. and a disproportionate teddy which i love, coz the arms are long and the feet are big, just like me.


even ah girl appreciates pretty flowers!





notice that they wrap each flower stalk in a seperate vial. waah. so onz.



pretty pink and purple!! who knew someone so manly wud pick something so feminine and pretty!



TEDDY!!!!!

i was sooo excited and smiling from ear to ear altho i admit, i have always thought that flowers are over-rated, after a while they die and u have to throw it away right? well, i din know tt its this nice to receive flowers loh! but wat made me reali liked it was that it was in a display box, so tt means i can keep it for a very long time. hee3 =) smart move, ody!

it was such a good start to the day.. i never thot that my not-so-romantic bf can be so romantic loh! haha. mr secretly-romantic came at 2, after his tuition stuff, and he had another surprise for me. it was this.....




my favourite! hand made gifts =))))))) im so amazed at the artwork, it's so pretty! it looks very tattoo-ish, i din know u could do tattoos ody! haha. faith. hope. love. perfect!

=]

so both of us happy people proceeded to boss' house for the baby's full month thingie. but this part not fun la, so lets skip and move on!

we decided to eat at indian kitchen, so we hopped in a cab to head there. lo and behold, we walked past tekka mall to see that it was closed. aaaaawwww shucks! i dunno if we were too early or they din open that day or wat..

so no worries, alternatives in place, we decided to head to bugis. i originally had samar cafe in mind, but it quite a long walk there.. ody suggested fish n co, and since i hadnt been there yet, i was down with it.

i ordered salmon and ody had NY fish and chips. yummmm!





while waiting for the order, i slipped my first gift for him on the table, without him noticing. then i asked him to pose for pictures, so the reaction u see here is totally candid.



here he was, trying to put together the pieces of my heart with phantom fingers..


and success!

hee2. this puzzle was my original concept for a card. i am thinking of doing the same for my wedding invitations. so the guests have to put the puzzle together if they want to know the location.. hahahahahaha. if u're interested in the message, u can turn ur computer screen, zoom in and read loh.. hahahahahha. not!

after dinner, we headed to our next destination, the SINGAPORE FLYER! so exciting la!! hee2. while we were waiting for our turn, we took some pictures at the scenic (man-made) park there.





gave ody his second gift - hope u like it!

view of capsules from the bottom




and then it was time for our ride!!! both of us went to pee first, in case got emergency la. hee2. then we had to walk thru a scanner.. so tt we dun shoot or stab each other high up in the air.



MUKA EXCITED!!


SURREALLY BEAUTIFUL ANIME-ish SHOT of the big wheel


PRETTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!


one of the first shots we took with the pretty skyline

notice tt we are going higher?


night shot of benjamin shears and pan pacific


spot esplanade, fullerton and swissotel?

this is wat the cabin looks like


ooooh. it was very high and i was getting pretty scared. the blue "squares" u see in the pic are other cabins.


in blues.


overall, i give the singapore flyer experience a WOW. it was reali romantic la, but the only thing was i was scared when it got high. u can see like the whole span of the ECP and even all the way to changi. i wud recommend tt u take the ride at night time if u want romance and at daytime if u reali want to photograph and see stuff for miles and miles. but if u like work in a very high office building then not worth it la coz u dun realli feel the wheel moving, it does so at a very smooth and slow pace.

one thing to note tho, the wheel continues to move when u are boarding. we were lucky coz in front of us got old man and he was slow in moving. so there was only a few of us in the capsule. hee2. so if u can try stalling or walking into the capsule slowly loh. hee2.

the day ended more sweetly with a heart to heart talk abt our relationship, how we can improve ourselves and where we're gonna go from here. its so nice to be able to communicate with someone without the need to put on a front or the need to censor myself.
that's why we are the bestest friends ever.

happy 2nd anniversary, my love!!!!!!


*MUUUUUAAAAACCCCCKKKKKSSS*






ps: i heart u ;)



Posted by theblackazure @ 8:04:00 PM
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