Saturday, May 29
remember talib? now, do me a favour. forget about him. forget all about him. tt's wat im doing.
u guys probably know tt i usuali dun talk abt my personal life too much. there's a whole lot goin on here tt u guys were probably unweary abt. i would be sorry, but i reali am not. i like it this way. i like u guys not knowing- sometimes.
But guess wat guys, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BOTTLING UP. im tired of resisting the urge to tell ppl wats reali going on inside. im tired from hiding from the fact that i am weak, tt i cannot fit everything in the palm of my hands. im tired of putting on those fake smiles n laughter to cover up all the hurt inside. im tired of lying to even my closest friens, but most of all, im tired of lying to myself. heck. im so good at lying to others tt i myself have started to believe in all those lies.
So it all comes out tonight. Every drop i can salvage from the depths of my memories. every lie ive made. tonight, they'll be no more.
Part 1
Flashback
i was involved in a production by the school drama club in sec 1. it was abt racial riots. there, i saw this was this guy i've been observing- he was different somehow.. quite a loner. During lunch time he wouldn be out with the other malay guys playing soccer and such, instead, he was always hanging out near the newspaper booth. sometimes reading, sometimes... just there. Even from the very first time i saw him i noticed his face. there was a mysterious dapth that lurked beneath. And a certain hint of darkness. He sulked. More like- frown. Yes, i remember now.. he looked sad.. like a perpetual frown on his face. It was intriguing.
Time went by and the production was going on smoothly. But something was not right. This guy, he seemed to smile at me like grinning from ear to ear everytime he saw me. What was dat all about? Wat? did i have "CLOWN" painted across my forehead? y was he always smiling at me? coz he likes me? haha... no way... gosh.. he's so good looking.. n i... well.. cant reali say the same abt myself. he likes me? rite. He somehow began to become close with this fren of mine. idayu. i thot they were getting it on. n y not? i mean.. shes pretty, n him.. i guess u can say physically desirable. yea. i reali tot they had it on. n i still remember how close they were. i still vividly remember once when he dropped ice down the collar of her shirt. now, it was impossible that they were getting it on. Intriguing, but at that time, i didn't tink too much about it. Afterall, it was all btw the two of them. boy, i was so wrong.
At the same time, i was still keeping contact with my old fren from primary school. my brudder. Nazry Zakaria. Just abt e sweetest fellow on earth. We talked a whole lot on the phone, nazry n i. n tt.. was when my (i tink i'd refer to it as a life-changing experience) started from. At that time, skating was in.. n all e guys came together n had their little gaherings under the void decks, showing off wat their K-grinds, 360 and such. I, could not possibly care any less. Now.. this next fact makes me less angry at this entire episode because wat im going to tell u next sort of proves that this was the work of god ( to turn me into a better person? i don't know? but i am quite sure that i would not be the person that i am today had this had not happened to me)
God made Nazry Zakaria and Abdul Mutalib meet. Because they happened to be skating at the same void deck. God.. had made plans for me n where i was headed waaaay before i found out. God kinda blindsided me. God rocks. Thank u god for all this hurt n pain. For making me go thru this internal turmoil. it has made me who i am today, that is, who i've always wanted to become.
Talib n Nazry somehow became good friends. N then, one fine day, Talib told Nazry abt this girl he had an eye for back in his school-Commonwealth Secondary. She went by the name of A'in. Nazry freaked. "A'in?! That's my lil' god sis!' Talib was glad that he had found a way to this uptight girl by the name of A'in.
And so, to cut the bloody long story short, Nazry called A'in on another of those fine days to tell her tt Talib likes her. And she was like "Talib? Talib who?" and nazry was like "oh. he's my skating buddy. he said he was involved in the racial harmony drama with u".. A'in: *thinks long and hard... then finally realises! aah! the smiley guy! kil 'est mignon! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT??????!!!!!!! he's interested in me? CAANOOT BEEEEE!!!! im so... so.... bleah.... unlike him. n besides, he's getting it on with idayu rite?
So this girl A'in went on with her mundane ol' life, thinking... man... that Nazry has some serious miscommunication problems man.. ermm.. of course.. she didnt realise that her problem (the unwillingness to trust) was far bigger.
But soon, everything began to change. The school canteen began to buzz n shush with news that that Talib-Idayu thing was just something for him to get to me. wait a minute. me? ME? waaaaaaaaaaaat? i have to ask yyyyyy.... again. (by the way, he told me once that it was because of love. well, if that was true, than i have prove that love fades. stay tuned to the end of this very long post)
erm.. then.. one fine day, erm.. he..erm.. asked A'in that question.. she considered saying yes lah.. because he was very intriguing.. n because of his undying efforts. then, disaster strikes- A'in finds out that Idayu had a heart for talib. Damn, she was right. They were getting it on.. or at least one party was.. A'in scruples went into overtime.. shud she... go on with him n break her friendship? or should she just give him up for someone who first got hold of him? decisions.. decisions.... then stupid decisions. A'in, the ooh-so-righteous one went to talk to talib. She told Talib," u know, Idayu likes u, n she's hurt tt u've sorta used her. U know.. this ting btw us wont work. So y don't u go with her instead." N then.. A'in (the NAIIVE one) thot.. ok.. now everything's clear n i can go back to e mundane ol' life tt i so love. But as aforementioned, god had other plans. Damn.
Talib went to confront idayu abt it. apparently, he was pissed that she was potonging his jalan. he sorta skrwd her with his words. the next day, idayu said this: great ain. now thanks to u i can't even face talib anymore!!
then she cried.. (-_-")
i guess she didn realise tt we were going to laugh abt this in a couple of years...
u guys probably know tt i usuali dun talk abt my personal life too much. there's a whole lot goin on here tt u guys were probably unweary abt. i would be sorry, but i reali am not. i like it this way. i like u guys not knowing- sometimes.
But guess wat guys, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BOTTLING UP. im tired of resisting the urge to tell ppl wats reali going on inside. im tired from hiding from the fact that i am weak, tt i cannot fit everything in the palm of my hands. im tired of putting on those fake smiles n laughter to cover up all the hurt inside. im tired of lying to even my closest friens, but most of all, im tired of lying to myself. heck. im so good at lying to others tt i myself have started to believe in all those lies.
So it all comes out tonight. Every drop i can salvage from the depths of my memories. every lie ive made. tonight, they'll be no more.
Part 1
Flashback
i was involved in a production by the school drama club in sec 1. it was abt racial riots. there, i saw this was this guy i've been observing- he was different somehow.. quite a loner. During lunch time he wouldn be out with the other malay guys playing soccer and such, instead, he was always hanging out near the newspaper booth. sometimes reading, sometimes... just there. Even from the very first time i saw him i noticed his face. there was a mysterious dapth that lurked beneath. And a certain hint of darkness. He sulked. More like- frown. Yes, i remember now.. he looked sad.. like a perpetual frown on his face. It was intriguing.
Time went by and the production was going on smoothly. But something was not right. This guy, he seemed to smile at me like grinning from ear to ear everytime he saw me. What was dat all about? Wat? did i have "CLOWN" painted across my forehead? y was he always smiling at me? coz he likes me? haha... no way... gosh.. he's so good looking.. n i... well.. cant reali say the same abt myself. he likes me? rite. He somehow began to become close with this fren of mine. idayu. i thot they were getting it on. n y not? i mean.. shes pretty, n him.. i guess u can say physically desirable. yea. i reali tot they had it on. n i still remember how close they were. i still vividly remember once when he dropped ice down the collar of her shirt. now, it was impossible that they were getting it on. Intriguing, but at that time, i didn't tink too much about it. Afterall, it was all btw the two of them. boy, i was so wrong.
At the same time, i was still keeping contact with my old fren from primary school. my brudder. Nazry Zakaria. Just abt e sweetest fellow on earth. We talked a whole lot on the phone, nazry n i. n tt.. was when my (i tink i'd refer to it as a life-changing experience) started from. At that time, skating was in.. n all e guys came together n had their little gaherings under the void decks, showing off wat their K-grinds, 360 and such. I, could not possibly care any less. Now.. this next fact makes me less angry at this entire episode because wat im going to tell u next sort of proves that this was the work of god ( to turn me into a better person? i don't know? but i am quite sure that i would not be the person that i am today had this had not happened to me)
God made Nazry Zakaria and Abdul Mutalib meet. Because they happened to be skating at the same void deck. God.. had made plans for me n where i was headed waaaay before i found out. God kinda blindsided me. God rocks. Thank u god for all this hurt n pain. For making me go thru this internal turmoil. it has made me who i am today, that is, who i've always wanted to become.
Talib n Nazry somehow became good friends. N then, one fine day, Talib told Nazry abt this girl he had an eye for back in his school-Commonwealth Secondary. She went by the name of A'in. Nazry freaked. "A'in?! That's my lil' god sis!' Talib was glad that he had found a way to this uptight girl by the name of A'in.
And so, to cut the bloody long story short, Nazry called A'in on another of those fine days to tell her tt Talib likes her. And she was like "Talib? Talib who?" and nazry was like "oh. he's my skating buddy. he said he was involved in the racial harmony drama with u".. A'in: *thinks long and hard... then finally realises! aah! the smiley guy! kil 'est mignon! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT??????!!!!!!! he's interested in me? CAANOOT BEEEEE!!!! im so... so.... bleah.... unlike him. n besides, he's getting it on with idayu rite?
So this girl A'in went on with her mundane ol' life, thinking... man... that Nazry has some serious miscommunication problems man.. ermm.. of course.. she didnt realise that her problem (the unwillingness to trust) was far bigger.
But soon, everything began to change. The school canteen began to buzz n shush with news that that Talib-Idayu thing was just something for him to get to me. wait a minute. me? ME? waaaaaaaaaaaat? i have to ask yyyyyy.... again. (by the way, he told me once that it was because of love. well, if that was true, than i have prove that love fades. stay tuned to the end of this very long post)
erm.. then.. one fine day, erm.. he..erm.. asked A'in that question.. she considered saying yes lah.. because he was very intriguing.. n because of his undying efforts. then, disaster strikes- A'in finds out that Idayu had a heart for talib. Damn, she was right. They were getting it on.. or at least one party was.. A'in scruples went into overtime.. shud she... go on with him n break her friendship? or should she just give him up for someone who first got hold of him? decisions.. decisions.... then stupid decisions. A'in, the ooh-so-righteous one went to talk to talib. She told Talib," u know, Idayu likes u, n she's hurt tt u've sorta used her. U know.. this ting btw us wont work. So y don't u go with her instead." N then.. A'in (the NAIIVE one) thot.. ok.. now everything's clear n i can go back to e mundane ol' life tt i so love. But as aforementioned, god had other plans. Damn.
Talib went to confront idayu abt it. apparently, he was pissed that she was potonging his jalan. he sorta skrwd her with his words. the next day, idayu said this: great ain. now thanks to u i can't even face talib anymore!!
then she cried.. (-_-")
i guess she didn realise tt we were going to laugh abt this in a couple of years...
ABOUT ME
I eat children for breakfast, I like my boys big and thick and I looove scratching my nose. My alter ego? She's that girl your mother warned you about.
ABOUT THE BLOG
Documenting parts of my rather uneventful life with writings that ocassionally display my schizophrenic tendencies. Blame it on the Gemini starsign.
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