dear readers,

i know it sounds cliche, but i cant believe 2005 is coming to an end.

somehow, altho lots of embarrassing, heart aching things have happened, i can still look back and smile.

came across lots of new faces this yr.. beautiful ppl..

got reacquainted n became even closer to the friends i've had for years.

tried new things... like baking, working, dance sport.

new musical taste. indobands. (they're kinda like the britband of the malay song industry)

fell for someone. got out of it in a jiffy.

missed someone but not anymore. coz i realise its POINTLESS. (u disappoint me)

on good terms with someone i was not on good terms with last year.. (refer to may2004)

and then fell really really bad for someone else. not getting out of that in a jiffy.

its amazing how much u learn abt life n abt urself in such a short span of time. i remember being so cynical abt everything and everyone around me. i remember not believing in "love". i remember thinking that ppl wouldnt be there for me when i needed them. i thot that happened only in movies.. in fairytales. i was so wrong.

2005 made me realise that everything that u work for can be gone in a second. rmbr my dreams of maldives? i feel its so unnecessary now. i have my family. i have my cats. laughter, joy, security, i have it all. i guess sometimes i'm just afraid. wat if it all disappears? wat if it all goes away in a split second? will i be strong enough to carry on? do i have someone who will stand by me through thick and thin? someone who'll love me no matter wat?

questions questions questions. questions which i hope, in time, shall b answered.

for now, im pretty happy with my life. i love my friends. and i looovvveee my family. and i love school.

i realise tt i'll be young only ONCE. and it will never happen again. im gonna do evrything and feel anything i want to coz i only have this ONE chance. i realise that hey, i do care what ppl think of me. because in the end, THATS what matters. i dont want ppl to think of me as a cynic. no. never.

my resolution is simple. im gonna let go more. i'll try not to keep things to myself (as i've done basically, thruout my entire life). i know ive said it before, bt i havent reali delivered.

honestly, i cant promise to. its difficult for me. sometimes i write stuff i want to post, and then press backspace allll the way. its difficult for me to trust in ppl. lets just say that something happened to me before and it is the root cause of all this delusion, paranoia and cynicism. BUT, i know i have ppl who genuinely care for me. really, i know. its... its just..... difficult.

to all of u, i'd just like to say thank u for being my friends. thank u for reading my blog because it means tt u care abt how im doing. and thank you for not talking abt wat i write in real life.

thank you thank you thank you.

have a good year ahead.

god bless.