everyone has a boiling point.

this afternoon my lecturer mentioned tt Asians generally have a low place in the cultural uncertainty avoidance dimension. meaning, Asians are generally tolerant, quiet, and less expressive. it does not mean tt we do not feel any uncertainty, tt we do not feel threatened or dissatisfied.. its just tt as Asians we try to hide our emotions. in my view, its probably bcoz often times, we do not know the best way of handling the matter. Furthermore, nothing in our culture teaches us how to express negative emotions. At best, we are told to just be patient and take it in stride.

The danger of handling anger this way is that all the rage or dissatisfaction tends to reach a peak, a so-called "boiling point". It is then where the expression of anger turns into outrage, and this, my friends, is what's so dangerous. afterall, there is a higher suicidal rate in such cultures.

So it was quite a surprise when i found tt Singapore was one of the lowest in the uncertainty avoidance index. Apparently, we are far from confrontational ppl. When we feel things are going wrong, we tend to keep it to ourselves. There is almost no expression in a formal channel. Worse come to worse, ppl just blog abt their woes and wait for it to be picked up by some journalist or wat-have-yous.

i tink this type of situation can be best expressed in my current dance group where there seems to be a lot of resentment with regards to ppl AND the way things are being done. yet, no one seems to be able to get their voice out. I understand.. it's nt tt i dont want to either.. Its just tt, for example, u wanna tell the coach something.. u wanna tell him tt he shud be more organised and not put too much pressure on ppl, but u cant do it. sometimes u cant even bring urself to put forward suggestions, no matter hw gd they seem. Perhaps this is the most evident form of a high power distance in our culture, where we are taught to respect and even kowtow to our seniors. the level of hierarchy is so apparent tt u avoid saying or doing anything u say bcoz u are scared tt u might be put back in ur place. or the hole u just crawled out from.

this kinda things sometimes make me forget tt i love dancing. but then again, the thing i love abt dance is tt its fun. and its fun bcoz of the company and the interxn we used to have btw ourselves and even between the coach.

i just think its sad tt in the process of creating a grand production like this, ppl tend to lose sight of how others are feeling. ppl tend to not see how much commitment is put into it. ppl cannot see the sacrifices. it is sad tt ppl seem to forget tt everyone has a life outside of dance practice and tt ppl want to spend time with their family, friends and their loved ones. i personally feel sad bcoz no one seems to see how difficult it is for me to let go of 2 wks of my tuition class, taking unpaid leave, cancelling my saturday private lessons just to give time for this. my income this month is cut by more than half because of this. and i keep on wondering, "is it worth it? or did i make a gargantuanly stupid mistake to sign up for this?".

it is sad because we feel tt it is a sacrifice in the first place. to b able to perform is a blessing, or at least its supposed to be. whatever happened to the philosophy i so strongly hold on to - it is not the destination, it is the journey.

i understand the pressure. we all live under some sort of pressure. but would u release ur tension to someone u know is pressurized as well? unlikely. y? bcoz it doesnt solve any problem and will just make both parties even more pressurized.

some ppl just dont perform under pressure. one example is me.

so just stop pressuring me. coz i might reach my boiling point.