i didn realise tt i havent blogged for a month.. til reeza mentioned it.

wow. how time flies.

i know i need to start blogging again before whatever writing skills i have turns to dust.

its just tt... lately... i havent been inspired.

is it the lethargy i wonder? or hav i stopped caring? or have i started to wonder if anyone is free enough to come and read wtv i post.

things have changed.

have not been happy these few days.. and i feel bad.. and guilty.

its funny how everyone thinks im always alright and tt the secrets i keep are happy ones.

couldnt be further from the truth.

distances between two ppl far away is painful. but distances between two ppl so close is heart-wrenching.

i know i havent been able to spend time with the family. we all have our commitments. but when trust turns to doubt, things get ugly. i know tt worry is part of being a parent, but if u are going to let me stand on my own to feet, u have to do it committedly.

i've done my fair share of stupid things in life. perhaps a little bit more than some ppl. but i dont understand y if u can keep secrets frm me, i cant keep secrets frm u.

ever since i was young, my privacy wasnt respected. ppl just tried to delve into my possessions, my thoughts, to find out "what was really going on". In fact, nothing was. i was just in a growing up phase where i needed my own space and place to writed down my thoughts and feelings. and then i discover that my privacy had been violated. y do u think i stopped writing journals?

now, its tt time again. i am stepping into tt new phase in life. so many new thoughts, feelings and sensations running thru me. at least giv me the space. and think before u even say anything. how could u say im creating problems to u. do u know how hurt i was by tt comment?

im creating problems for u?

sometimes ppl dont realise tt they are the reason y we work so hard. i dont have to earn my own money. i can just ask u for allowance every month. yet i dont bcoz, if possible, i wanna take every burden away frm u. i would ask u to pick me up frm my late night practices or frm my tuition place, far on the other side. bcoz i know tt u are tired as well, plus the gas prices are up.

its nt cheap to support urself thru skool. and its nt easy to be committed to a job. i make it look so easy. and i know im nonchalant abt it. coz i keep thinking.. there are others who have a tougher life.

i guess i now know y i enjoy dance so much.

coz its an escape.

u take ur focus off everything else and just concentrate on those 8 counts. i feel blessed with my life. but i wish ppl could see tt each direction i step into takes a great effort and did not come abt like magic. i've worked hard for evrything tt i am, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, rationally.

when i was young i wished to be under-appreciated. i guess my wish did come true.












happy birthday.