there are soccer widows and golf widows. i, am a study widow.

i am second fiddle to the books and matlab and design projects. he has been seduced by a vixen, academia, who messes with his head, causing him stress, stealing my time with him away.

i feel neglected.

and the worse thing is, i sorta brought it upon myself.

i want him to study hard.. get good grades.. boost his self esteem so he wont feel any inferiority complex. he is so capable, juggling heavy modules tt i would never be able to. for once, i want the grades to be in his favour. i want to see the positive relation between hard work and grades, which i find doesnt happen in a lot of situations. which is unfair.

but i feel neglected.. to the point of loneliness. but i cannot be selfish. i cannot take time away from him tt can be spent on computing, design and 'emotions in everyday life'. i cannot tell him how i feel coz i dont want him to think about me, thoughts tt could be spent on perfecting their kueh lapis machine instead.

i am just feeling empty. and the pms has been kicking into overdrive lately.

but we will survive this, ultimately. its just things coming together in a bad way. it will end soon. we must believe. we must fight. we must graduate well and get good jobs and get married and go for a maldives and cross-europe honeymoon and raise good children and take good care of our parents and give alms to the needy and fulfil our haj and marry our children off and die together.

we must undo the pain with laughter.

i will.