so.. resolutions.

the first thing that comes to mind is that i should stop being so apologetic about the way i am and how i handle certain things. so far, i've rubbed ppl the right and wrong way, up and down, been able to click with some and not others. sometimes tho, i tend to give in, especially when feelings of guilt take over i.e. i get angry at someone and they play the guilt card and think i'll soften up and stuff. which i usually do because of the tak-sampai-hati syndrome. I need and i want to not be swayed, to stay firm with my decision and hopefully get thru to these ppl to say that if i am angry at u, it must be because u did something in a way which was a) not right, b)insensitive or c)all of the above. and y wud ppl tink tt i dun get angry? coz im the relak-jack type who lets things slide? well, there are some things that just reali tick me off and as small and insignificant and petty ppl think they are, it is a big deal to me. of coz ppl who know me know that i can be a softie or a firm, fierce person; a girly2 i-love-makeup or a i burp-and-fart-like-a-man tomboy and a compassionate and caring loving person or the who gives a shit person... it all reali depends on the situation.... i reali get ticked off by certain things. its like pushing the wrong buttons and then it suddenly gurgles and explodes.

next resolution is reali difficult for me because i am not a fan of awkward situations. however, i would have to face them coz resolution 2 is to keep in contact with ppl that i like(not romantically lah... wat are we, in primary 6?), friends and acquiantences, former colleagues, teachers, classmates and bosses. Ppl whose company i've enjoyed, once upon a time, but now seems to be out of contact.. i reali want to keep forging relations, i do... but sometimes i just couldnt take the effort to lift the phone off its cradle and contact them. and im sure im not the onli one.... why har.. y do we find it so hard to rediscover these ppl that we once cherished and were so close to.. do we reali become different people after a few years of seperation? of course there are some ppl that i do not meet for a long period of time and when we do meet, i can talk to them like i just met them yesterday. ppl who i was reali close to at some point of my life like my childhood fren nizam, girls whom i used to giggle with in secondary sch.. ppl like shahreeneh, the guides (oh im so thankful for inez who's been with me ever since we were randomly designated to the flowerpecker patrol), meera, the dancers.. and ppl who knew or know alot about me like talib, reeza and my dearest miss woodford. of course there are ppl, or more specifically ONE person, whom i hope i will never see again for the rest of my life. but for the most part, i hope to rajin-rajinlah pickup the phone or press the nudge button on msn to speak to ppl i've nt been speaking to in a while.

third and the last main resolution is the most arduous one for me (did u notice the increasing level of difficulty thus far?). i am definitely going to have a very very very very very hard time keeping this one last resolution because it is just so damn hard to do!!!!!!!!! so.. my last resolution is .........*drumroll*.......... to be more punctual!!! notice the use of the word more in front of the word punctual, therefore suggesting that i am not trying to be punctual but more punctual, in other words, less late. i KNOW it is a BAD BAD detrimental super lousy reflects very badly on me habit, but i just cant help it sometimes, which is actually, a lot of the times. sigh. reali.. if i had nuts i would kick myself in the nuts everytime i am late.. and believe me, i wud have very sore nuts coz i'll have to keep kicking them because i am late pretty often. i suck.. *digs grave* So, in order to clear my conscience more effectively and not waste other ppl's time, i reali reali reali reali reali hope that i will be more punctual this year. pls pls pls do not expect a drastic change from me and fer gdness sake, dun ever expect me to come 15 minutes early.. but i will try my very best to reduce my lateness, even to class. i promise! *gulps* i know i am shooting myself in the foot by writing it down on my blog bcoz when i come late ppl would really harp on me, but remember my nice, forgiving and saintly friends.. i am trying to be more punctual and not exactly punctual. seriously, if there is a pill i can take to make me be punctual for everything i would eat it 3 times a day.. but there just isnt, is there? so i'll just rely on my will power, which is strangely overshadowed by the urge to come late everytime i make an appointment or have a class. actuali, i could easily attribute it to my relak-jack nature too.. hmmm.

so there it goes, for those who bother.. my new years' resolutions. and how timely it is to coincide with the beginning of the Islamic year of 1429 Hijrah. to all my frens, alhamdulillah, lets give thanks to god for our life so far and i pray that we be blessed for the days ahead insyaallah.