alhamdulillah.

all thanks to god for giving me the strength to put this trying episode behind me, although i must say, for the first time in a long time, i simply wanted to crumble and not get back up.

its no secret, i like to think. not only am i opinionated, i also feel very strongly about my ideas. as friendly as i am and as much as i, and other ppl, like to think im an extrovert, there is a very large part of me who is not. in fact, most of the time, i like keeping my thoughts, my problems, my feelings, and any issues im facing to myself. i dont know if this is good or bad, but i do know that it results in pretty bad consequences. u see, when i keep things to myself, these things start to compound and the weight of all my thoughts start becoming so heavy for me to shoulder. i bear a burden of thoughts, like those african women who fill water in pots and put it atop their heads. (i literally feel this way when overcome with thoughts and emotions).

the thing is, i have a breaking point, when i feel i cant carry the weight anymore. when i do feel like this though, i tend to tell everyone who's anyone about exactly what is going on in my head. well, not evryone, but i tend to rattle off everything to whoever's willing to listen. but tts the key right there, i just need somebody to listen to my thoughts. i dont need or want u to agree, judge or corroborate, and for the love of god, if u have never been in the same situation, spare me from your "wise advice".

on that note, i think im actuali very clear on wat i want from ppl, mostly becoz im very straightforward abt it. if i want u to listen, i just say hey, i need u to hear me out on this idea. if i want ur opinion, i'll ask, what do u think abt it? if i want advice, i'll ask, what should i do? the problem is, ppl tend to confuse the last 2 scenarios. when ppl ask for ur opinion im guessing they're not asking for advice. they're asking for ur perspective on tt matter.

i have noticed though that most of us are NOT good listeners. and if i have to stereotype, i'd say tt gals in general tend to be more sensitive listeners. guys, well they're guys. they're horrible listeners. they only think abt wat they want to think and are only superficially interested in your problems. remember the scene in the simpsons movie when marge was talking to homer and a monkey was clanging cymbals in his head? tts exactly how i picture guys to be. they may look/sound interested at wat ur saying, but they're actuali thinking abt something else and while u are talking, they are figuring out how to bring in wat they want to talk abt into the conversation.

the thing is, they actuali know tt women need a listening ear and like men who listen and tts y they always PRETEND to listen. now, they've evolved and even ask us to share our problems with them. its not like they reali want to know. its just a thing to show that hey, i am sensitive and i care abt u.

im not trying to be cynical, but reali, i think its all fluff. there are exceptions tho. men who are good listeners exist, but they're as rare and elusive as giant pandas. personally, i find that the most sensitive (straight) guy friends (sensitive guys make the best listeners) i know are guys who are still single. honestly! tts y i like to hang around single guys, they are usuali very willing to listen to wtv crap u wanna say. but perhaps it is their sensitive nature which explains y they are still single. hmm. its like a twisted vicious cycle of sorts eh?

i brought this issue up not because i think i can change the way men are. i am highlighting this to all my gals who expect ur man to be there and listen to ur issues and ur woes. its never gonna happen. they'll listen but superficiali. and if u ask them for their opinion, they'll give u their "advice". which is so damn annoying because its so darn condescending!!!

a note to all the fellas reading. next time ur girl shares her issues with u, pay attention to what she wants. if she wants an opinion, DO NOT start ur sentence with "I think eh, u should .......", instead start with "From my perspective/view" or "The way i see it....". JUST DONT tell her what she "should do" unless she specifically asks.