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Friday, January 18


i was speaking to a friend earlier on about our lives and how its changed thus far. my friend, being a hopeless romantic, still fathoms the idea of 'the one', a concept that i do still believe in, but from a different angle. u see, for some ppl, 'the one' is an imagery of someone who they believe happens to be the perfect other soul for them out there. incidentally (i wouldn know if there's any correlation), these ppl tend to be single. i guess its logical.. ppl who wait for their "the one"s to come along wont be satisfied with just anyone.

the problem is, what if u dont find "the one" that so called exists by the time u are ready to settle down. worst still, what if u had rejected the idea of loving someone else because u believe that "the one" will come along and u will automatically love that person. its sorta like love at first sight, which i totally tink is a complete myth. i tink ppl get attracted or sense chemistry at first sight, but they shouldnt jump into loving someone before getting to know that person. in a nutshell, perhaps what im trying to say is that ppl need to learn to love. "the one" is not someone that appears out of mid air, "the one" is someone you've learnt to love, someone you love and someone you believe you will continue loving.

if im not mistaken, the first time i met my beau back then at cafe express, i could tell that there was some chemistry between us. of course he hated me at first coz he thought i was very stand-offish and wat not.. but heck, everyone thinks tt about me. luckily, we gave each other a chance to know more about one another and look where we are now. along the way, i do size him up as a potential husband and i am pretty frank about it. i mean, y shouldnt i be? and i made it quite clear to him that if i think i or he is going to be happier or wealthier or more protected with somebody else, then we shud make logical and not emotional decisions. be like singapore, not malaysia.

seriously.. if jessica alba or adriana lima comes to singapore one day and falls in love with him, i would definitely want him to go be with her and live a more comfortable life for himself and his family. i tink that's when u realise u really love someone. when u are able to put someone elses needs before urself's. when u are willing to make that sacrifice to part just so another could be happy.

at the same time, i've learnt from previous experience that there is a fine line between making sacrifices and being a complete moron. trust me, u dun want to go there. the feeling totally sucks. but u know what, at least i learnt. and as my friend told me, i've changed my views about love or romance.

i am a romantic person, in my own way. but i am not a hopeless romantic who idealises an embodiment of a deceptive "one". i am grateful to be blessed with someone who lets me be and doesnt question me about my moronic past. i am grateful to be with someone who i can talk about the future with without feeling an overwhelming sense of commitment or being tied down. i am grateful to be forgiven and i am grateful to receive apologies for the utterly moronic things we sometimes do to each other.

sure, i can tell u straight up that there are people who never thought that we would last. and up to this day, there are still forces and people that try to shimmy their way in to try and be the third party. and sure, ppl criticise and call me all sorts of things (behind my back of course coz for some reason they dont have the nuts to say it to my face) for having other guy friends even when im in a pretty committed relationship.

all i can say is, i know who i am and i know what im doing. if u think im so horrible then come talk to me about it. or better, u can speak to my man about it. no assurance u wont go away with a broken rib though. *shrugs*


Posted by theblackazure @ 2:06:00 AM
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Thursday, January 17


i have scoop! really exciting, awesome scoops! well, actually i have 2 scoops, one BIG and one not so big, but still!! its news my frens, news! ok ok.. im all excited about getting scoops ever since the journalism lecturer told us how important timeliness is and being the first to report something. basically to inform readers abt stuff they din know! as much as i tink i wud totally suck as a journalist, i really dig the module.. cept that all the lecturers speak properly.. and i mean really properly with proper enunciation for each word. scareh.

anw, i'm just gonna hold on to the scoops for a little while and rant for a bit about my life. build up the suspense lah. muahaha!

i went to the airport yesterday to send little missy nic off. aaaaaah.. it was soooo bittersweet (for lack of a better word) coz its like she's all grown up and going away, far far away.. haha. oklah im not her mother but we are pretty close ya know. hopefully she finds more inspiration for her art there, staring at the big ben and the thames and wat not. i just feel soo excited for her, im sure she's gonna see and learn alot. girlfren even has plans to go to paris and milan and scotfreakinland! and the best part is, she's a filming major who takes great photos so im really looking forward to see all her shots when she gets home.. in 6 months.. wahhhh.. tts long.. but its all good =)

take good care of urself missy! and like chrissie said, dun lose ur virginity! haha. (im kidding, she's a nice, decent, catholic girl. chrissie is her sister btw)

ive got a new tutee. he's so adorable! he's a p6 boy, the indian eurasian type and im teaching him malay! haha.. just now we read a passage and there was this phrase "cukai airport" and i asked him wat it meant.. he thought its the name of an airport. kwa3.. so cute! oh, did i mention his mom is a teacher? she's great, she reali understands and pushes her kids to greater heights. i like tt kind of ppl. yey!

ok ok.. now for the mini scoop. WATCH Suria this Friday, 18 Jan for the sinaran hati donation thingie show. why? coz the NJC malay dancers are gonna be on it! my juniors!! yey!! apparently they were recommended by MP Hawazi Daipi.. waaah.. not bad ah. so proud lo!

and now for the big scoop!!!


* * * * * drumroll * * * * *

one of my frens is getting engaged and that person is.................................

**************drumroll****************

FAIZ LAW!!!!!!!

seriously!!!!

wahahahhahahhaha. he just told me that he's getting engaged on the day of my bro's wedding and gave me the honour of breaking the scoop on my blog!! yeynesss!!

as u all know, i loove weddings and engagements and childbirths so im all excited abt this kinda news. haha, i cant believe faiz is gonna be somebody's fiance! hee3. so exciting right??! i really really wish him all the best and altho i cant be there, my prayers are with them (his soon-to-be fiance is mariana, or mary for short), insyaallah everything will go smoothly and as planned. and faiz, dun stress stress k! you can do it! hee2.

im happy, can u tell? =]


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:40:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 15


i just want to dedicate this post to my man, who doesnt get much airtime nor facetime on this blog despite the rather detailed and vivid descriptions i write about my life, most of which involves him in some way or other. being with him for the past 2 years have helped fix my brain a little and make me a better and more authentic person. my saturdays are for the most part spent with him, cept when he or me has got sthg important going on. this week we went to geylang serai, believe it or not. he's been reali reali helpful and supportive about this whole wedding fiasco, just bein with me, accompanying me to buy random stuff that we need. he's proven to be someone i truly can rely on and i'm sure he's gonna be smiling, no.. beaming when he reads this post. tankiuk so much dearie! *farts*

ok.. im sooo not the publicly mushy type la hor.. but tt was my best attempt. heh.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:12:00 AM
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Friday, January 11


so.. resolutions.

the first thing that comes to mind is that i should stop being so apologetic about the way i am and how i handle certain things. so far, i've rubbed ppl the right and wrong way, up and down, been able to click with some and not others. sometimes tho, i tend to give in, especially when feelings of guilt take over i.e. i get angry at someone and they play the guilt card and think i'll soften up and stuff. which i usually do because of the tak-sampai-hati syndrome. I need and i want to not be swayed, to stay firm with my decision and hopefully get thru to these ppl to say that if i am angry at u, it must be because u did something in a way which was a) not right, b)insensitive or c)all of the above. and y wud ppl tink tt i dun get angry? coz im the relak-jack type who lets things slide? well, there are some things that just reali tick me off and as small and insignificant and petty ppl think they are, it is a big deal to me. of coz ppl who know me know that i can be a softie or a firm, fierce person; a girly2 i-love-makeup or a i burp-and-fart-like-a-man tomboy and a compassionate and caring loving person or the who gives a shit person... it all reali depends on the situation.... i reali get ticked off by certain things. its like pushing the wrong buttons and then it suddenly gurgles and explodes.

next resolution is reali difficult for me because i am not a fan of awkward situations. however, i would have to face them coz resolution 2 is to keep in contact with ppl that i like(not romantically lah... wat are we, in primary 6?), friends and acquiantences, former colleagues, teachers, classmates and bosses. Ppl whose company i've enjoyed, once upon a time, but now seems to be out of contact.. i reali want to keep forging relations, i do... but sometimes i just couldnt take the effort to lift the phone off its cradle and contact them. and im sure im not the onli one.... why har.. y do we find it so hard to rediscover these ppl that we once cherished and were so close to.. do we reali become different people after a few years of seperation? of course there are some ppl that i do not meet for a long period of time and when we do meet, i can talk to them like i just met them yesterday. ppl who i was reali close to at some point of my life like my childhood fren nizam, girls whom i used to giggle with in secondary sch.. ppl like shahreeneh, the guides (oh im so thankful for inez who's been with me ever since we were randomly designated to the flowerpecker patrol), meera, the dancers.. and ppl who knew or know alot about me like talib, reeza and my dearest miss woodford. of course there are ppl, or more specifically ONE person, whom i hope i will never see again for the rest of my life. but for the most part, i hope to rajin-rajinlah pickup the phone or press the nudge button on msn to speak to ppl i've nt been speaking to in a while.

third and the last main resolution is the most arduous one for me (did u notice the increasing level of difficulty thus far?). i am definitely going to have a very very very very very hard time keeping this one last resolution because it is just so damn hard to do!!!!!!!!! so.. my last resolution is .........*drumroll*.......... to be more punctual!!! notice the use of the word more in front of the word punctual, therefore suggesting that i am not trying to be punctual but more punctual, in other words, less late. i KNOW it is a BAD BAD detrimental super lousy reflects very badly on me habit, but i just cant help it sometimes, which is actually, a lot of the times. sigh. reali.. if i had nuts i would kick myself in the nuts everytime i am late.. and believe me, i wud have very sore nuts coz i'll have to keep kicking them because i am late pretty often. i suck.. *digs grave* So, in order to clear my conscience more effectively and not waste other ppl's time, i reali reali reali reali reali hope that i will be more punctual this year. pls pls pls do not expect a drastic change from me and fer gdness sake, dun ever expect me to come 15 minutes early.. but i will try my very best to reduce my lateness, even to class. i promise! *gulps* i know i am shooting myself in the foot by writing it down on my blog bcoz when i come late ppl would really harp on me, but remember my nice, forgiving and saintly friends.. i am trying to be more punctual and not exactly punctual. seriously, if there is a pill i can take to make me be punctual for everything i would eat it 3 times a day.. but there just isnt, is there? so i'll just rely on my will power, which is strangely overshadowed by the urge to come late everytime i make an appointment or have a class. actuali, i could easily attribute it to my relak-jack nature too.. hmmm.

so there it goes, for those who bother.. my new years' resolutions. and how timely it is to coincide with the beginning of the Islamic year of 1429 Hijrah. to all my frens, alhamdulillah, lets give thanks to god for our life so far and i pray that we be blessed for the days ahead insyaallah.


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:16:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 9


Surprise surprise! im still alive!

well, just to let u all know tt i havent died.. not yet anyway. ive just been reali reali reali busy with stuff, especially wedding stuff. and ive been reali tired and been doing a lot of thinking.. just tt i havent had the push to write it down properly. the wedding stuff is getting along fine.. im glad its just a simple thing and nobody is trying to outdo anybody. im lucky coz i get to watch and i reali tink tt i wud onli do a so-called "grand" wedding if we as a couple reali have a lot of money to spare. otherwise, its reali unnecessary, especially if u're thinking about it in the long term.. there are a lot of better, wiser places u can spend the money on. im happy tt my brother is so wise to not care what ppl think. i just hope i will be like tt.. do things that makes me happy and not care so much wat others may think.

im so blessed to be around people who love me, care about and for me, understand me and not judge me. im glad i chose to have ppl with a positive vibe around me and stay away from ppl with negative vibes. truly a lot of things to be thankful for. perhaps i'll think about my resolutions in the next post. and oh, happy belated new year!


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:39:00 AM
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