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Friday, May 26


im at work and i feel so pek chek.

im so stupid u know.

im supposed to send out cold storage delivery orders to the third party warehouse so tt they can pack n deliver the items. for regular customers supposed to send DO(delivery orders) but for carrefour n cold storage need to send over tax invoice and purchase orders.

u know wat i did? i happily scanned in the DOs for cold storage. i scanned in 20 liao n i just realised tt im supposed to scan in the tax invoice instead!!!!

OMG!!

by the way, both the DO n Tax invoice look the same la. its just tt the title at the top is different.
aaaaaargggghhhH!!! so now i have to rescan everything n convert to pdf format!!

aaarrrrggggghhhhHH!!



ps: this is an irrelevent post. i know.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:28:00 PM
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Thursday, May 25


yesterday i was angry.

i was reali reali angry. i haven't been angry in quite a while.

and it was not just pissed, it was flat out angry.

sometimes i think im schizophrenic. coz.. when im angry i turn into someone else. someone COMPLETELY different. trust me. if u are the person who made me angry, u wouldn want to see me or talk to me. u would, or at least, should, go run away into a corner and hide. which is what the person who made me angry did.

which makes him a coward.

if u made me angry (i mean angry, not just pissed) and u talk to me on the phone, or worse, come to me face to face, i will humiliate u. i will tell u all your weaknesses, especially the ones you know you possess. i am going to tear watever self-esteem u have and strip u bare. i am gonna rip ur ego off, chew it up and spit it out. i will tell u y ppl dont like u, wtv is wrong with u and y u're so fctup.

if u avoid me, u're a coward. so either way, i'll make sure tt u are wrong.

i know i have my own weaknesses and this is one. but i cant control myself when im angry, i really cant. honestly.

yesterday a few ppl who just happened to be in my unfortunate company experienced it. mildly. maybe just 20%. They were lucky because the person who is the root, THE CAUSE the anger wasnt there. becoz it wud have been very VERY ugly and ppl's perception of me would change forever. again, i beg u to trust me bcoz when im in the heat of anger i really dont care who you are, how long u've been a friend and what u will think of me after tt. of course, once my anger has subsided i will feel guilty ( mainly for using cusswords and humiliating ppl) but not in the heat of anger. wrath blinds me.

when i tink abt it, anger kills my pretense. when im angry i dont pretend to be nice, nor tolerant, nor wtv facade i put on. when im angry, the adrenalin makes my heart pump faster and the blood goes rushing to the head. and wtv opinions i have stored in my memory abt a particular person gets transmitted straight to my mouth. no filters, no rationale. just pure, uncensored thoughts.

last night, the girls told me i was scary. luckily, i did my maghrib and after tt the burn was more or less extinguished. u see, there are 3 things tt calm me down: prayers, food and/or a good cry. ya... i cry. just 2 years ago, i was the type who never cried in public. NEVER. but after that july 30th incident it all changed.

i realise im very weak these days. very lembik. soft. i used to be so cold. i forgave no one. but.. shit happens. my anger subsided after abt 2 hrs. it was a short fit, bt at least i said abt 30% of wat i wanted to say. later tt night i unloaded it to razil, who was totally stunned bcoz he's nvr heard me swear before. except for naaaabeh n baaaasket.. which i use when he tells me riddles n jokes with stupid answers..

bt reali.. frens who have no connection to any of it helps. coz u can explain the thing frm beginning to end the way u see it. of course there's the other side of the story bt who gives a rats' ass abt tt person. if u're too cowardly to tell me wat is wrong in the face, mano-a-mano, like a man, then dont complain. i want u to look me in the eye and demand the same thing u demanded from them. i wan u to use the same sarcasm u used with them. then i want to see u cry or storm off when i am done with u.

poor miss lalalarling. i just unloaded evrything on her. n i cussed a lot. im sorry girl. thnx for the listening ear. n to tink it started with "have u downloaded macromedia?". haha.

I tink ppl should stop living in the cavemen era and realise that men dont bring home the bacon anymore. maybe if u take ur head out of your own asshole, u'll see that we are not living under the Taliban regime. I will, one day, prove to u that the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. I will prove it to u, coward.


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:31:00 PM
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Sunday, May 21


let's go on pretending like nothing is wrong.

ppl like you make me wanna throw up.

COWARD.


Posted by theblackazure @ 10:59:00 PM
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Tuesday, May 16


lets talk abt the future.

well, not exactly THE future, more like YOUR future.

have u seen urs?

have u ever thought abt it?

well, lately, i've been thinking a lot abt it. and i mean A LOT. i've basically mapped out how i want to achieve my goals. and i just wanted to list them down here coz i wanna see how stupid it sounds when written down. not exactly stupid stupid la.. more like idealistically over-simplified stupid? still with me?

all these thoughts started off with my brother, announcing tt he is comfirm gonna get married on 08.08.08. Apparently, he has to confirm now, coz tt date is damn hot la n a lot of ppl want to get married on tt date. some have already booked the mak andams and wat nots loh. i din know ppl can plan weddings until 2 years. wah. 2 yrs i can get a level cert leh.

ok la. so some ppl might argue tt getting married is more important than getting an a level cert.

wtv lo.

the thing is, it kinda dawned on me tt im not getting any younger. the clock ain't ticking backwards honey. im gonna turn 20 soon and within the next ten years, a lot is gonna change. a lot has got to change. i am going to leave this life tt im living now for a new one. or a slightly modified one, depending on how u choose to see it.

in 2 yrs time im going to graduate (if all goes well). convocation will be in july (if all goes well). my bro will get married in august (if all goes well). One day before national day (they're planning a red n white theme). then hopefully, by then, i'd have secured a job (if the school gives lobangs).

after my bro gets married, the dynamics of the family is definitely going to change. my bro will buy his own house n move out (apparently he's planning for pasir ris, which is at the opposite end of singapore, mind u). my parents wont want to and wont have any purpose of staying here anymore coz i wud have graduated and will be expected to look after myself. but then again. maybe my parents will stay in singapore til 2010 coz tts when my dad will turn 55. anw, i'll be 24 by then and wud have worked for 2 yrs.

im thinking of taking over my dad's damn lousy car (proton wira) so i dont have to spend money on buying a car. coz ah.. i have to repay back my study loan frm my dad's cpf ma.. n i tink i'm gonna feel the pinch lor. so, to safe money, i will do wat i always do n take my dad's things(the concept does not only apply to stationery u know).

regarding where im gonna stay.. well, i tink rite, if my family dont want to sell this flat rite, we shud rent it to a couple of international students, girls preferably, then if my parents decide to move to malaysia i can stay in the house with the students.

actuali im very lucky la coz my father had the foresight to see tt he needed a place where it was possible to sustain a living and take care of themselves on a small fortune. he has always had the thought of not burdening his children n tt is y he bought the property in msia.. to take care of themselves. he doesnt want to burden us. i mean, c'mon la, tt kind of heart n soul deserves tears. i love tt man, man.

*sigh*

so.. ya.. i wud definitely need to adjust to a new climate. of course then there's the new extended family.. eihh. come to tink of it. cant imagine ah. a bit weird.

anyhoo, back to my future. next topic: love life.

i tink i wanna get married around 28, 29 la. mostly because i wanna have my first child before 30. healthy ma. coz i heard women shud giv birth to ur first child before 30. so i guess by 25, 26 liddat must find someone stable rite. must find



"THE ONE"



*echo*
*echo*
*echo*

hopefully by then my career will be ok alreadi la. who knows by then i get sick of corporate life, lies n politicking n decide to do sthg else.. like become an aerobics teacher or sthg. ok ok, out of point. or full time housewive. haha. rOite. not gonna happen. unless i marry a rich man n become tai tai la. which has always been a dream of mine by the way.

haha. so tts abt it la- the lover, the dreamer and me. i know, sounds like a plan, bt of course with fate n stuff.. u cant reali determine la. sometimes, some things happen (kuch kuch hota hai). now a bit stressed la, coz when i look around, a lot of ppl are in seriously relationships. but its ok i guess, i shall pride myself in being the odd one out.

so i guess rite now, i cannot do much except

1. get a driving license
2. do things tt will contribute to my resume
3. date ppl unseriously. (i tink some call it serial dating. i am NOT being choosy)

yup, so tts some of wat i've been thinking abt. i hope i din sound too stupid and/or idealistic. just thoughts floating around tt i needed to pen down.

good night, and good luck.








it all sound honky dory. it aint a bed of roses n i'm actuali still nt over u.


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:46:00 PM
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Friday, May 12


i have come to the conclusion that i like lady bosses.

i wan a lady boss.

lady bosses rock.

maybe one day i'll be a rocking lady boss.

thank you.

bye bye.

(lazy to update)


Posted by theblackazure @ 3:43:00 PM
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Monday, May 8


Hey kids.. I'm on the mert on the way home from work.. Reali got nothing better to do so i decided to blog..

I know i know.. I shud be doing something constructive like reading or wat not.. But i brought "the hobbit" today and it's in large print and looks like an enid blyton book and i look at least 21 with this collared shirt and faux suede bag.. so i decided not to read the book coz i've yet to see an adult read the hobbit. In large print. In public. So.. Yea..

Looking at my reflection in the mrt window(we're currently underground) I tink i look like a caterer. White shirt rolled til elbow, black corduroy pants , cheap watch.. Oh yea.. Might i add tt i'm sitting between two guys, one reeking of cigarette, one with too much flowery cologne. One too old one wearing too much cologne.. Men..

Work wasn't tt bad.. In fact, it was damn slack.. N believe it or not.. I kept asking for more work coz i had nothing to do. (yes yes.. I hear the gasps and shrieks). well, maybe when i realise tt i'm working for less than 50 bucks a day i'll stop working so hard.. Colleagues are nice and all above 40 except one.. Who has 2 children.. Yea.. Not exactly the zouk crowd. Well, at least they're nice.


me. office. bored.


Their canteen food's too salty.. Sodium causes water retention which causes bloatedness. Not fun when u're having period. Which is another reason why it's not possible to read my time mag. Coz it's in my bag along with an entire pack of u-know-wat.. and again, im sitting between two of the he-kind.

I reali shud get a license.. This sweet smoky smell is making of nauseas. Nauseated. Yea, wtv.
Omg! There's a dude reading freakin harry potter! And he's at least 21. Either tt or overgrown. whoa. so grown ups who read fanctasy DO exist.

and now, I shall secretly snap a picture of him.




Actuali he looks young la.. The barely 21 look.

We're at Jurong East now.. Smoky old guy has just left and now smoky young guy trying to cover smoky smell with cheap cologne has taken over. Not bad la.. Smells like talcum powder.. oh. So he works for swensens.. Hmm.. A common ground! We both look like we work as food DAMNIT! Someone just stepped on my toes! Bloody nugget....


Lakeside.. ok kiddos, time to sign off, cya later alligator.


Posted by theblackazure @ 6:32:00 PM
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Saturday, May 6


yes.. its morning... i know.

i cant sleep.

spent time uploading shit to my friendster account.

yup. tts wat i do when i gt nothing better to do.

anw, i scrolled thru the pics n realised tt my cheeks, neck and skin colour differ frm photo to photo. SPOOKY.

i shall try to sleep now. again.

wish me luck.


Posted by theblackazure @ 4:35:00 AM
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Friday, May 5


ok. i just found a 3 week job. k la. not i find one la. my fren found for me.

its 6 per hour for 3 weeks. not bad rite.

so shud i take it?

decisions decisions.

i tink i shud take it. rite?

oh wait. i forgot to say.. its in kaki bukit.

*DIES*

nt bad la. i dun mind actuali.. i can read during travel time.

i tink i shud take the job.

rite?

its 3 weeks onli mah. wont die one ah.

its some shipping tingie ah. like dunno follow-up on some shipping something ah.

entahla. i pun tak faham.

but i shud take the job rite?

i tink i shud take the job.

ok. i shall take the job.

rite.

i think im quite lucky lor. somehow opportunities seem to like knocking on my door. i shudn complain u know. omg. i reali shudn. *smacks self silly*

but ah. opportunities always knock at the last minute.. so mean.

nehmind, i shall strike while the iron is hot. work=money=license=freedom to drive=ability to drive to ulu parts of singapore for warehouse sale=shopping!!

incorrigible. yes. tts what i am.

went to watch mi3 yest. nt bad la. expected it to b gd anyway. the thing is, i watched all the trailers so i knew most of the action sequences.. so like.. the effect is not so wow la. if u know wat i mean. nevermind, i tink i sound a bit incoherent rite now. the effects of too much sleep.

my hair stinks. i shud go wash my hair.

ooh. i saw the pirates of the carribean: dead man's chest billboard. I WANTED TO TAKE IT HOME!! johnny!!!!!!!!!!!!! even orlando looked hot! i tink he's a bit meatier now. thank god for tt. i cant wait for 11 july!!!!!!!! arrrrrrrr.....

ok. i shall go wash my hair now.








i cant believe im going to work.


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:44:00 AM
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