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Monday, June 12


so u wanna talk about "love"?

come. lets talk about love.

basically, i have no idea wat the big deal is.

like. y do u have to define "love"? is it because everyone just needs a definition to a word?

or is it because the way ppl describe it is so nice.. butterflies in ur stomach, a surge of adrenalin thru ur veins, cant take ur goddamn eyes off tt person, laughy, giggly, hands finding hands, hearts finding hearts, u tink of tt person's face day and night, cant sleep at night coz u have a sugar rush altho u havent taken any form of sugar watsoever, electricity, chemistry, biology etc.

do u need a definition to wat love is so tt u know or so tt u can hope to get or so tt u can actuali get these kind of experiences?

and y is this kind of love important anyway? and why is it different from the kind of love we have for our father, mother, siblings, friends. i mean.. we love all these ppl right? but how come when we see them we don't fly up to cloud 9, get all googly-eyed and weak in the knees?

y does the word "love" have a different meaning in the relationship context? y cant it take the same meaning as the parental context - that is, something tt occurs effortlessly.

i tink we, as ppl who have been exposed to fairytales, movies, romance books and such, have been disillusioned into thinking tt love only occurs once in a lifetime, tt opposites attract, tt truelymadlydeeply love starts off as love at first sight or tt first moment when u touch fireworks go bursting behind u or the world swirls aound u.

i mean.. c'mon ppl.. i watched message in a bottle.. i cried a few pails. i watched jerry mcguire.. i cried a few everglades. but "u..... complete me...." and "I would die if u leave me"? that's bullshit la... how can someone complete YOU. someone can complete ur life but can someone complete ur BEING? if the person dies will u die? ur heart completes u. ur lungs, liver, pancreas, spleen, appendix, bile duct, haemoglobin, myoglobin, ovaries, penises, grey matter, teeth, armpit hair. THEY complete u. and even so, take away some liver, blood and one kidney and u'll still be able to live. see? ur ORGANS leave u and u can still live, so IF UR LOVE LEAVES U, U WILL NO DIE!!

i have been there. tt place. tt lowest of lows. n i went thru it alone. HOW DO U THINK I FELT? i felt SO alone. i was CRUSHED. i didn leave him. HE LEFT ME. and he never got around to knowing tt he really meant something to me.

which is y i vowed not to "love" someone so hard again. i was simply scared of having my heart trampled.. no... STOMPED on again.. by his stupid Nike golf sneakers!!!!!!!! urrrghhh!!!!!!!!

i was doing fine being truly, honestly single this time, til someone new stepped into my life and begin to ease my woes, nurse my wounds, show me wat it's like to be loved. slowly gaining my trust, and just as slowly my perception is changing and i am in the process of recovery. i realise "love" is not difficult. it is easy. by tt, i dont mean it is not riddled by obstacles. im just trying to say tt this kind of love occurs just as naturally. no extreme highs.. no giddy feelings.. just tranquility.

how shall i describe it?

it just feels right.

i believe that when the right time comes by.. n u meet tt person.. u know u are going to be with him/her forever. just because u know deep in ur gut tt it feels right. when u meet the man/woman u want to marry, u just know, and he/she will just know too. and u talk about it as if its no big deal. its natural really. i have married friends who can attest to tt. its like.. u just know tt everything will feel right with this person. u can burp, fart, dig ur nose, be naked, be intimate n u know tt it will be fine and natural coz this person just loves u the way u are no matter wat u do.

and AGE. tts just a number. i believe u find "the one" no matter how old u are. 2, 12, 20, 62. doesnt matter. if u tink tt u are really right for each other, u will ride through life together.

and another thing. i believe tt love doesnt just happen. like.. it doesnt just drop on u from the sky like in the road runner cartoons where the fox tries to drop the huge thing on the roadrunner. love is more like a tree. there's a seed. it needs to be sowed(acquaintance). care for it, tend to it, give it water; it grows(friendship). careful not too much water.. plants die with too much (just like love dies with extreme obsession). tenderness (courtship). time.. u need time for the tree to grow (relationship). and finally, the perfect summer day comes, the right conditions and flowers on the tree blooms ( love).

i guess for most of us the most hazy, foggy, misty, ill-defined part - the part tt causes the most confusion, is the relationship part. but time sows deep roots in trees, just as it does in relationship.. and therefore, time, times and timeliness is quintessential as to whether or not a relationship will bloom.

so if u think u are in love then just be confident about it. like.. for me, i know tt im not confident tt im in love. partly bcoz of wat happened in the past and partly because im young. im 20. i still wanna fool around. but i know tt he'll wait for me, patiently. i know tt altho he has a chance of being hurt just by seeing me around other guys, he is wiling to take tt chance. i know tt he feels something for me cos they say tt "when u love something so bad, u are willing to let it go". and just being this kind of person makes him very special.

but if YOU think YOU are ready to settle down and tt u've seen enough of the world, then just DO it. coz if u are really in love, i dont see y u have to check to ur left and right and seek ppl;s opinions of whether u are really in love or not.

SO, i guess when it all boils down, i realise that there is really no definition to the word "love". its as ambiguous as the number of sand particles on siloso beach. everyone has a different interpretation. and no one can say who's right and who's wrong. its just between u and ur man/girl. and tts wat's really important. that the 2 of u come to a consensus about how u feel about each other. honestly.

as for me, im just happy to have someone who accepts me exactly the way i am.


i leave u with a spontaneous haiku.

love is like a tree
sow the seed and care for it
watch it grow and bloom


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:07:00 AM
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Sunday, June 11


there are somethings i just dont get.

for example, ppl who support england.

lets face it. the team is popular.. even favourite-d because of the impact EPL has on the overall soccer fanbase. but think again.. who are the players who make the epl interesting? manchester utd.. van nistelroy(dutch), forlan(uruguayan - ps. i loveee his hair), ronaldo(portuguese). arsenal, henry(french), pires(french), ljunberg(swede). chelsea, peter cech(czech republic), drogba(ivory coast), crespo(argentine). and those are the top teams. even the lower ranked teams need int'l players to keep it interesting. tink tottenham hotspurs' robbie keane (irish).

its like ppl have this warped imagery of things.. word associations even when the two things dont really have anything in common. in OB we call it illusory correlation. (fck la. i got onli B+ for OB tho i studied hard for it. damn fctuped la.)

ok. so u might argue tht its the managemnt style and training of the english teams is maybe wat makes them so successful. but look again at the so called "succesful" managers - mourinho (portuguese), ferguson (scottish), arsene wenger (french). even if u look at the management team itself, including the training coach, the goalie coach, the assistant coach and wat not, u realise its all international talents. only the reserve team coaches are english. really. go do some fact checking.

im not saying that english players are not fantastic. they are. tink the veterans, alan shearer, ryan giggs, robbie fowler, teddy sheringham etc etc. fantastic. beckham as a captain n a free kick/corner taker. extremely good. owen as a striker. fast n furious. the young guns like rooney, kieren dyer, scholes.. and then u have the hard working ppl who get no notice at all, like John Arne Riise.

im just saying they're not half as fantastic as the likes of zizou(though he is pretty old now), raul, messi, ronaldho and of course they're no where near the likes of ronaldhino.

so my point is i really dunno y ppl (and by ppl i actually am trying to say GIRLS and some faggot DUDES who dunno anything about soccer) are supporting england. and sorta making a big hoohah over it. like. if u wanna support someone, support togo or ivory coast or sthg. at least u dont really have to come up with reasons for supporting them. u can just say coz u like supporting underdogs or sth.

haiya. actuali i oso dunno much about soccer la. i got hooked on soccer after the 1998 world cup after watching zidane play. then i followed him to real madrid where i was introduced to mr iker casillas (*screams!!!*), mr raul gonzalez, mr luis figo, mr roberto carlos, mr claude makelele and soon, mr ronaldo. like. the dream team la..

hey.. tt time i knew evryone in the squad k.. scolari, salgado, steve mc manaman etc.. then the captain.. that old fogey.. tink he retire already la.. aiya, forgot his name.. really la.. the team made me realise tt soccer really transcends cultures, languages, political differences etc. n as i watched more games i realise tt the styles of the leagues vary.. frm the fast paced la liga to the individual skills serie a to the management structure type epl and the rojak rojak uefa cup.

so... when u learn all these things u feel kinda funny to see ppl supporting england cos u sorta know tt there are way way better teams out there especially on a national level. brazil, france, holland, italy, spain, germany, argentina, just to name a few.

but aiya. dunno la hor. maybe sometimes its just easier to go along with the crowd.







ps: i support bosnia. can?


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:58:00 PM
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Monday, June 5


"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Juliet cries these words into the night, having just met and fallen in love with Romeo of the Montague family, sworn enemy of her own (Capulet) family. This famous line has been misunderstood through popular history, with comedic interpretations showing Juliet glancing about her garden, looking for her Romeo.

The truth - It is not where, but why, she asks: why are you Romeo and a Montague, my father's enemy? Their love is made impossible by their names, and Juliet ponders this situation from her balcony, "Deny thy father and refuse thy name/Or it thou wilt not be, be but sworn my love,/And I'll no longer be a Capulet."


moving. but will u be willing to give up ur family for "love"? inverted commas coz i still have my doubts.

the presence of her objection can be felt however subtle. maybe to her, this juliet is simply not good enough for dear romeo.

can the modern day romeo n juliet conquer this? i dont know.

for now, happy faces and nonchalance please..






ps: both romeo n juliet died.


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:26:00 PM
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