Monday, November 26
past couple of days have been rather pleasant, cept for the freaking flu that i've ended up with since this morning. i've cleared my room and rid it of a LOT of stuff, and i've been rather smart about doing it. i dont try to take on the whole lot in one go, instead, i go about a specific section at a time. ive gotten rid of all my worksheets from secondary school years and sold it to the karung guni for $2. yes, all my knowledge sold for $2. i tink i can get a better deal by selling my soul to the devil. i've also identified stuff that i dont use/wear anymore, giving away some and thinking of selling away some. we'll see how it goes..
the better part of my time was spent shopping with the parents. i really really wanted to buy a wallet but til now, cant find something i like. well, i guess i'll just raincheck that pursuit til after the wedding coz i tink im gonna spend a lot for it. im buying my own clothes for the wedding, an indian gagra and probably a kebaya. tts gonna set me back a few hundred smackeroos. also getting some "surprise" gifts and such for the wedding.. which will also set me back couple of 00s. but, its ok lah. my brother is getting married mah. so its more important that i starve and hold back a little on shopping (which is so blardy hard to do) and contribute in making it the happiest, most awesome day for them. =]
also, havent quite started on driving lessons, which i should have by now.. hee2.. tt one will definitely put a big dent on my wallet. and u know me.. im the type who really panics when my savings fall below my comfort zone.. so.. i reali dunno how im gonna cope. which is why lately i prefer to stay at home and watch tv because i reali feel bad when i go out and spend money. i really dunno how ppl can just spend3 and not care.. i feel so stressed. and yes, if u tink i fret too much abt finances, u're right, i do. i tink its innate..
i wanna suggest something to my dad but im a little scared of wat he'll think/say. i want to suggest selling my bracelet, which i've never worn before ever EVER because (a) i am scared of losing expensive jewelry and (b) i'm not really into wearing gold stuff anyways. the price of gold is like damn high nowanyway, so.. i want to suggest to him that we go sell the stuff then split the money, he take half i take half. that bracelet would not be missed.. its like in my cupboard, in a corner, still in the box where i dont see it. its basically something that i know is there but cant be bothered to look at, much less wear. but i dunno wat my dad will think of it.. im just scared that he'll be hurt or wat coz he thinks i dont appreciate it.. but its not tt.. i reali appreciate the other gifts, especially my mont blanc, which i also never use before.. haha. but, its something tt i see myself using in a couple of years. tt bracelet, on the other hand, is reali something i wouldn miss. sigh. how? how?
and then there's my mother who's another problem.. if she finds out tt i suggest this she'll be like "u so stupid to suggest such a thing to ur father".. but ah.. my parents reali think tt its easy for me to support myself u knoe. and the thing is, its not.. i've held back on a lot of things i want so i can make my parents happy first. tts very important to me. i try to contribute to my mum's marketing by paying for the groceries whenever we shop and topping up her ezlink card (yes.. im the child who gives transport money to the mother) altho i must say i still dont think its enough. sometimes i splurge on them, take them out to nice lunches and dinners and the likes. but like i said, still feel like i should give them so much more.
in sum, im just reali worried for myself. im worried abt draining my bank accounts. im worried abt my grades.. abt my fyp.. abt the wedding.. and i tink its taking a toll on my relationships with ppl because when i worry, i tend to suck it inwards and become more introverted. my mind just keeps working, adding and subtracting the figures and thinking how i can tighten up my spending. im also worried abt my green vein under my right eye which is becoming more and more obvious. i dont have the capacity to spend money on a good, effective eye serum, nor can i spend on Bobbi Brown concealer(christmas/new year gift anyone?). i get all quesy thinking abt the bank books dropping from 4 figures to 3 figures.. all tt i've worked so hard for gone! and what abt that garment steamer tt i've been eyeing for like.. half a year? i wont be getting that either.. not at least til march next year.. and tt is, if i pass the driving practical the first time. if not, then die, need to spend more money. and if i dun save enough money now, how will i be able to afford my own HDB flat by the age of 24? and if i cant buy a flat, i cant rent it out and i cant earn the passive income that i need to buy the condo beside vivocity.. and if i cant buy the condo then my dad cannot watch the sun setting over labrador park.. and my dreams of owning a prime property in a central location whose value will only rise in years to come will be smashed to smittherins.
oh god. i feel nauseated. i am such a loser.
the better part of my time was spent shopping with the parents. i really really wanted to buy a wallet but til now, cant find something i like. well, i guess i'll just raincheck that pursuit til after the wedding coz i tink im gonna spend a lot for it. im buying my own clothes for the wedding, an indian gagra and probably a kebaya. tts gonna set me back a few hundred smackeroos. also getting some "surprise" gifts and such for the wedding.. which will also set me back couple of 00s. but, its ok lah. my brother is getting married mah. so its more important that i starve and hold back a little on shopping (which is so blardy hard to do) and contribute in making it the happiest, most awesome day for them. =]
also, havent quite started on driving lessons, which i should have by now.. hee2.. tt one will definitely put a big dent on my wallet. and u know me.. im the type who really panics when my savings fall below my comfort zone.. so.. i reali dunno how im gonna cope. which is why lately i prefer to stay at home and watch tv because i reali feel bad when i go out and spend money. i really dunno how ppl can just spend3 and not care.. i feel so stressed. and yes, if u tink i fret too much abt finances, u're right, i do. i tink its innate..
i wanna suggest something to my dad but im a little scared of wat he'll think/say. i want to suggest selling my bracelet, which i've never worn before ever EVER because (a) i am scared of losing expensive jewelry and (b) i'm not really into wearing gold stuff anyways. the price of gold is like damn high nowanyway, so.. i want to suggest to him that we go sell the stuff then split the money, he take half i take half. that bracelet would not be missed.. its like in my cupboard, in a corner, still in the box where i dont see it. its basically something that i know is there but cant be bothered to look at, much less wear. but i dunno wat my dad will think of it.. im just scared that he'll be hurt or wat coz he thinks i dont appreciate it.. but its not tt.. i reali appreciate the other gifts, especially my mont blanc, which i also never use before.. haha. but, its something tt i see myself using in a couple of years. tt bracelet, on the other hand, is reali something i wouldn miss. sigh. how? how?
and then there's my mother who's another problem.. if she finds out tt i suggest this she'll be like "u so stupid to suggest such a thing to ur father".. but ah.. my parents reali think tt its easy for me to support myself u knoe. and the thing is, its not.. i've held back on a lot of things i want so i can make my parents happy first. tts very important to me. i try to contribute to my mum's marketing by paying for the groceries whenever we shop and topping up her ezlink card (yes.. im the child who gives transport money to the mother) altho i must say i still dont think its enough. sometimes i splurge on them, take them out to nice lunches and dinners and the likes. but like i said, still feel like i should give them so much more.
in sum, im just reali worried for myself. im worried abt draining my bank accounts. im worried abt my grades.. abt my fyp.. abt the wedding.. and i tink its taking a toll on my relationships with ppl because when i worry, i tend to suck it inwards and become more introverted. my mind just keeps working, adding and subtracting the figures and thinking how i can tighten up my spending. im also worried abt my green vein under my right eye which is becoming more and more obvious. i dont have the capacity to spend money on a good, effective eye serum, nor can i spend on Bobbi Brown concealer(christmas/new year gift anyone?). i get all quesy thinking abt the bank books dropping from 4 figures to 3 figures.. all tt i've worked so hard for gone! and what abt that garment steamer tt i've been eyeing for like.. half a year? i wont be getting that either.. not at least til march next year.. and tt is, if i pass the driving practical the first time. if not, then die, need to spend more money. and if i dun save enough money now, how will i be able to afford my own HDB flat by the age of 24? and if i cant buy a flat, i cant rent it out and i cant earn the passive income that i need to buy the condo beside vivocity.. and if i cant buy the condo then my dad cannot watch the sun setting over labrador park.. and my dreams of owning a prime property in a central location whose value will only rise in years to come will be smashed to smittherins.
oh god. i feel nauseated. i am such a loser.
i put the blame solely and squarely on starhub, who introduced the entire cable tv hulabaloo into my life, thus subliminally coercing me to turn my back against the knowledge-filled books and notes of sorts. instead, the mind screams "I need to watch Xzibit pimp my ride!! and My Super Sweet 16!", not to mention the guilty pleasure of watching Kimora lee simmons drive around L.A in her convertible, wearing only her pink bikini on her show 'Kimora: Life in the Fab lane' (only on E!).
but alas, i forgive myself for watching the shows mentioned in para 1 because they are what i consider good, wholesome television. MTV's EMA was notedly and expectedly much MUCH much better than the american version, held earlier this year. for one, they didnt try to split the crowd up like they did in vegas. it was the traditional huge stage, fans screaming and singing together fiasco. i've never seen Tokio Hotel perform live, and i must say, i can understand why emo punk is in. the music was quite good actuali. but of course, the memory of Muse's AWESOME performance with the green laser lights on stage in EMA 06 still lingers...
the AMAs did NOT disappoint. in fact, it was damn gooood. LOTSA LOTSA performances, just the way i like it, featuring some of moi's favourites. off the top of my head, i remember performances by Fergie, Maroon 5, Avril Lavigne, Duran Freakin Duran, Rascal Flatts and Chris Brown. Notable performances for me were: Queen Latifah, Rihanna and Ne-yo, Mary J Blige, Alicia Keys(who ROCKED the show) and the Jonas Brothers (notable coz one of them fell on stage.. SO Malu lor!). there must be some i forgot coz there are just too many to rmb lah!
and of course, my favourite, the collabo between country duo sugarland and beyonce. u HAVE to check this out! Irreplaceable, done in country style. wahahahahahahahaha!
she sounds like chipmunks on steroids! thank god beyonce came out LAH!! but i like the way they did the "To the left, to the left", which was soooooo keeeyoooot!
overall, i way way WAY enjoyed American Music Awards better then the US MTV Awards, cept tt i prefered chris brown's performance for the MTV Awards, somehow. we all must thank Dick Clark for the AMAs. *claps*
so. yeah. that's my 2 cents worth. i guess i better get back to my little attempt to study before the bf screams at me.
oh ya, before i forget, safe newlyweds (selamat pengantin baru) to lalala's sister and thnks for the invite!
link this post |
we all have ours. expectations we set for ourselves. expectations we set for others. others' expectations of us.
bottom line: we all expect, therefore, want something from people and from ourselves.
tts only fair isnt it? u give, u expect something in return. newton's law states that every action has an equal an opposite reaction. what u give u get back in return. some call it karma.
the question then becomes, how do you set standards for ur expectations of urself and others. how do ppl around u set the bar for u? wat determines whether the bar is high or low?
potential? capacity? historical analysis?
what would the world be like if we didn't have any expectations of people and people do not have any expectations of us?
questions questions questions. a melee of questions in this encapsulating cranium, none of which with answers. i dun think its rhetoric. we just dont know the answers yet.
i think... i'll just sleep on it.
DISCLAIMER: This post was written between the realms of awakeness and sleepiness. thus the incoherency and utter rubbishness. the detritus of my intellect, or lack thereof, exposed in one felt swoop. expect spelling grammatical and punctuation erros. expect. we expect seomthing from everyone. y must it be so...
ZZZzz. gd nite.
link this post |
sadly, IT'S A SIZE TOO SMALL! like hellooooooo........ wth!!!!!!!!
SO SAD LAHHHHH.
i have to sell them off!
50 bucks only, u lucky buggers. msg me on my hp if u want.
UARRRGGGHHHHH!!!
link this post |
we are endowed with
a pair of hands.
a pair of legs.
a pair of eyes.
a pair of lips.
yet, we only have one heart?
perhaps..
it's so we could seek another.
one other heart that is out there.
meant to complete ours.
...
...
my heart is stranded for the time being.
i left it with someone.
yet now it seems abandoned.
i hope its only for the time being.
...
...
yes i hope its only for the time being.
'cause i feel disabled.
now that i've given my heart away.
link this post |
in the afternoon, when i heard the nice churchy bell sounds resonating from the loudspeakers-thingie on top of the hdb flats that i realised it's already november. and that i havent touched my blog for 3 weeks. how time flies.
perhaps some titbits and morsels of what's been happening in life (and my life) in general, so u can treat them like helping words in ur (lower) primary cloze passage to fill in the blanks.
(1) Al Gore wins the Nobel Prize. my response to that piece of news was a "Seriously?!" ala Izzy Stevens. while the debacle continues over whether or not a politician who flies around the world in his personal gulf-stream while talking abt depleting fossil fuels and global warming due to CO2 emissions should even be nominated for the nobel, pls also note that Yasser Arafat received the same honour once.
(2) Mark Cuban gets kicked off "Dancing with the Stars". Well, who cares. we dont even have the show here. Channel 5 is gonna air Heroes soon with the support of 4 major sponsors. I tink this is after everyone i've known ripped it off the internet and are now watching season 4 online. it just goes to show that channel 5 is poor, or that financial resources are used elsewhere. the widest viewed channel, perhaps.. which happens to be channel 8.
(3) I have become the unofficial "Malay/Indian" face for NBS. yes, i am the cultural representative of the NBS promotional video clips. i have never been led to believe otherwise. and they bought me lunch, from the can B beijing stall, on the day of the shoot.. which also happened to be right smack in the fasting month, which meant tt i couldnt eat in the first place. talk abt cultural sensitivity.. or lack of it.
(4) On completing his mission, Malaysia's first astronaut (who is claimed to be Malay although his name clearly implies that he is an Arab descendant) comes back to earth from the international space station on 21 Oct 07. On the same day, his younger brother walks into a restaurant, walks into a pillar, faints (thus hitting his head on the concrete floor) and died some time later. Sounds like a story out of the "U shitting me!" text, but it is sadly true. reports claim (and dr muzaphar himself said on tv, i saw it) that the brother was the happiest one out of the other 4 brothers when news of the space mission broke. however, on the day of the shuttle's launch, he told his brother that he felt uneasy and told him not to go. do take note that dr muzaphar's re-entry into earth was not smooth, as the capsule was descending too quickly. my parents conclude that the brother had prayed that if anything happened, it would happen to him instead, and god granted his wish. (meaning: it's possible that dr muzaphar should have died instead during his re-entry). i, a strong believer in academics and science, and i, who completely understand the meaning of "too much of a coincidence" cant help but agree with my parents' point of view. perhaps one of God's mysterious way of telling us something. not to be too happy.. or too proud, perhaps. (Boasting or "riak" has always been discouraged by our religion)
(5) Shopped for boots in city plaza with my beloved. lots of boots. no size. sad. =( went home. ordered one from gojane.com. american size. surely can fit. happy =)
retail price, USD 20.99. shipping price, USD 30. bought it anyway coz my beloved wants to pay for it (dont ask me why.. he's just being nice... i think). that makes grand total of USD 50.99. which translates to about S$75. an ok price to pay for such a gorgeous and unique pair. especially ok since im not paying. hee2.
ps: dear beloved, i need a wallet too. Braun Buffel perhaps? kate spade? coach? hee2. =p jk.
pps: anybody who knows anybody going to HK or taiwan or korea, pls tell me.. i wanna order kate spade knock offs..
(6) have had 2 mugging sessions- both semi hard core. will be having some hard core ones in the coming week.
(7) bought 2 new tops and new pair of heels. spent $58.50. the loveliest, fuzziest turqoise sweater from dorothy perkins at $29. (will upload pictures if i feel like it.) also, new green shimmery eyeliner and BodyShop mocca lip and eye crayon. totalling $28.80. will buy bodyshop scrub soon. need to scrub the daki off my body.
(8) gained some weight. i tink. i hope.
(9) alfian saat, singapore's literary genius and my elective module classmate, detained and questioned by the police for "verbally assaulting"(as one reporter puts it) NMP prof wtv-her-name, albeit through email (does that even count as verbal assault?). he is an eloquent person, and an intellect, an openly open homosexual man, who never fails to make me feel small and insignificant of my textbook knowledge and incoherent contributions in class. (its not his fault.. he's just too smart he makes us feel stupid) Did i mention that he is extremely well-versed in english AND malay? but he's 29, which means that im 8 years younger than him! which gives me 8 years to try and be as eloquent and smart as him. nvm then, i'll take up mandarin and arab and be quadrolingual, if there is even such a word. but i digress. my point is, i din know why he did that thing, but he has publicly apologised. and although i have a pretty strong hold of my faith (which is clearly against homosexuality), i am totally accepting of him, as i think everyone should be of homosexuals. i totally dont understand y ppl cannot accept homosexuality. i dont think its a choice. just like bapoks, hermaphrodites, khunsas.... i really really think that they did not choose to be that way. (although, i dont quite understand bisexual ppl.. like, how can u be sexually oriented towards both genders?). anw, if u believe that everyone was put here for a reason, then there must be a reason why god put straight ppl, gay ppl, hitler, george bush and mother theresa in the same place. right?
(10) i'm like totally hooked on buffing and polishing my nails. fingernails, toenails, my dad's nails.. u name it! got the Bodyshop nail buffer at only $3.90. will buy bodyshop pumice stone to scrub daki off my feet. i want a loofa too. the spongy kind.
ps: got my mother hooked on buffing nails too. yey!
(11) trying not to get hooked on The Wicked after solving The Wicked Junior puzzles in just short of 2 hours. interested? pls see http://www.weikiat.net/wicked/ . its addictive, especially for ppl like me yang takmo mengaku kalah. dont say i din warn u.
(12) trying too force myself to stop blogging and study. been successful (at the first task at least) but.. haih.. my finger itches to let my brain speak. what to do?
ok. bye.
ps: my tagboard account was deleted because it remained dormant for too long. orbi quek lor. now all of u cannot say anything abt anything i post on my blog! wheeeeeeee!
link this post |
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
Maly
Nurul
Irfaan
Yanti
Rozie
Fizzie
Taufiq
Atirah
Reeza
Koony
Marco
Nicole
Shikin
LiZhen
Aishah
Ranjay
HuiFang
Jannah
Syahirah
Amelia
Baya
Talib
Harith
Shakin
Nizam
My friendster account
link
link
Hosted by BLOGGER.com
Thanks to blogskins.com