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Wednesday, February 28


i went to visit Mrs Tan & the dancers on Sunday. As usual, they were there at PA frm 830. i arrived at 10 with JP Banquet kueh lopez and some snacks. anw, themrstan was totally surprised coz i din tell her i was coming.. only jo knew. i sat at the blackbox and watched them practice.. laughing.. being scolded by cikgu.. BOY, HOW I MISS THOSE TIMES.

this yr, they're sending out 2 groups for SYF. its divided into the IP group and JC grp. THEY'RE FREAKING AWESOME!! hee2. 6 weeks left to SYF and both dances are half done! haha. like.. wats new rite? and i heard tt cikgu has 9 schs this sem. okayy. no wonder he looks so stressed. oh ya. n the ILSA perf coming up in March rite?

but back to the kiddos.. but they're really funtastic.. very energetic! and they dont sweat! like seriously.. they were like jumping and rolling and all tt.. but not sweating! and i walked frm kallang mrt to PA and i was already sweating buckets ah.

here's the rehearsal video for a Mendaki performance by the IP group. FYI, there's 8 of them, 2 chinese girls, one half malay-half arabic but doesnt speak malay (she speaks chinese) and the rest are vietnamese. YUP. ALL the boys frm the IP grp are Vietnamese. Watch! Watch! they're great!



Posted by theblackazure @ 2:43:00 PM
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Thursday, February 22


A lunch can be an excuse to spend 2 hours with a friend.

that was a sentence that woke me up as i was reading my cs 100 textbk.. (ok ok.. stop your THE HORROR-ing already). the author was explaining about one of the 3 unifying themes in communications - meaning.

That sentence kinda hit a dingdong bell inside my head coz of this recurring thing tt keeps swinging back and forth between Brody and moiself.

let's just put it this way: He would prefer that i not engage in one-on-one "outings" with other dudes. and i.. i see nothing wrong with it watsoever.. i mean, they're my friends.. and before all this, i always went out one-on-one and nothing ever reali happened..

so I've always thought of it as more of a "jealousy" issue.. that im spending the time i could spend with him on someone else. But that one particular sentence in the book made me think for a bit. Maybe what the Brods is more concerned about is that there is sorta an "ulterior motive" for ppl asking me out for lunch or coffee that i never reali thought about.

honestly. really.

i never knew that something like a meal could have such embedded meanings in it. and now that i know, im kinda taken aback. but how bad can it be right? i mean.. a meal is a meal.. how much info can u squeeze out for me in a meal? and im not reali the kind of person who would pause eating just to talk. i'd rather stuff it in and then eat some more.

and wat abt those ppl i asked out? wat if they think that by asking them out for lunch i'm implying something more than wat i reali want when all i reali want to do is just meet them and eat?

are there many of such coded, embedded, secret and "universally understood" things around? which brings me to a small thing tts been bugging me for quite a while.

can someone tell me wat tea-bagging is? coz i was nonchalantly dipping and undipping my teabag while sitting with my "liberal" friends one day when one of them asked if i was tea-bagging.. and then the rest laughed and refused to tell me wats so funny. is it a code too?

anyhoot, im not saying im like THAT naiive u know.. by the smirks on their faces i knew its not exactly something as wholesome as David Haselhoff (i just felt like using the name).

but i guess i have to understand and accept that not everything is spelt out at face value.. but, if so.. where do we draw the line between reading in between the lines and reading too much into something? like u totally didn mean or intend for any circumstances when u comunicate sthg.. but somehow someone just reads too much into it and the repercussions then sort of get blown out of proportion?

i guess then thats the importance of feedback.. when u ask the communicator what the intended meaning was.

sigh.

so much for random thoughts.

back to the books.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:42:00 AM
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Friday, February 9


mum's sick. she has been having these giddy spells all day. Dunno wats wrong la. menopause maybe. she cant even get up or move around. and she's been vomitting air. u know those kinda vomit where nothing comes out but sound. anyway tt means tt all the chores fall on me. which sucks.

not tt i cant help her out once in a while u know.. i mean of she's sick she's sick. cant blame her... but.. it just sucks when u're out to school at 930am and come back at 930pm to find out that u have to clear the kitchen, wash the dishes n do the laundry. i dunno. im just ticked for some reason. perhaps im just tired.

but i reali cant stand the way my mum still can be so annoying even when she's sick. my mum has this really bad habit of telling ppl how to do things exactly the way she wants it. and its damn irksome i tell u coz u know me.. i like to do things my way coz i know tt i can always find a way to do things more effectively. my mum is just anal with a capital A. she just like things to be exactly the way she wants it to be at every step of the way. somehow, she tinks tt deviating will not yield the same result. which is a concept that i thoroughly do not understand and have a hard time agreeing with. its the journey not the destination my ass. its always the destination- cradle to grave. we all do things differently in between but end up in the same place. case in point, anna nicole smith.

sigh.

but i guess writing is freeing up the knot i have (which i cant tell is in my head or my heart) again. tt had always been the goal anyway. unloading.

but one thing i cant understand is how i always fail to put down what i truly feel inside. i am fully aware and conscious of all my decisions to disclose my feelings only partially. for example, i could have reali been pissed n b like fck this and fck that coz i have to do the chores.. but somehow i dont translate it into my writing. not tt i dont wish to, i just dont. and tt is a barrier that i find immensely difficult to overcome. it sucks, balls.

but anw, i feel like going to bed. im shagged. totally. n i might not b able to see Brody tmr. i reali want to see Babel. well, fck it. i guess tts life.


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:56:00 PM
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Thursday, February 8


its 2.09 a.m. I think its time i sat down and updated. ok ok ok.. will do..

hmm. where shall we start?

it seems i left off from the jbp submission, so lets just start there la huh.

ok. so the submission sucked coz i forgot to put in my reference page!!! and lagi worse, i did make a lot of references. but then again serve me right la coz i PROCRASTINATED and PROCRASTINATED like crazy. the result? a poor quality report on my part, and no cash prize for me. kwa3. kla. no surprises there.

on to other important things in my life.

work. work thus far has been quite fun. im beginning to settle into the role as an educator. last year i was still caught up with the idea of being a teacher and i played tt role once i step into the tuition class. but then i realised that i was unneccessarily stressing myself out. if my boss needed a teacher, she would have hired some moe trained ppl.. but obviously she's more interested in personality and hiring ppl tt are just like her - ppl who can get along well with kids. of course there is a bad side to this.. discipline at the centre pretty much sucks. aahaha. especiali my classes la. damn noisy. but at the end of the day, we have fun and we all learn something new.

family. the peeps are doing great. so are the felines. jus two glaring issues:

1) i tink my bro is gonna get married next June which is 3 months earlier than wat was initially planned.
2) i tink my parents kinda are in denial tt im turning 21 and starting work next year. its kinda obvious bcoz they still expect me to tag along when they want to go out. and sometimes i reali dun wanna go out with them bcoz they're the type who go to one place, buy one thing then come back. like.. so.. waste my time ah.

school. this sem is quite terok la. projects projects and more projects. and lotsa projects mean lots of presentations.. u would think that the special proj course tight deadlines would have gotten me used to presentations and it wud be like ba.. easy..

think again.

the standards keep getting raised. somehow there's always one group in your class which has upped the standards. which sucks coz once they raised the bar u have to live up to the standards to try to even get a B. wat more an A. but haiz. wat to do. such is life.

Brody. We're doing good. he's stepped up his focus this sem. trying to score straight As which i tink is possible for him. I mean.. its onli fair.. he's so hardworking la. like.. scary hard working. we have resorted to a more or less "routine" work week so that we dont see each other too little.
On mondays and wednesdays he would normally see me off for tuition. then we go out on saturdays.. movie/scrabble/fringe performances or dinner. since we are both struggling to put ourselves thru sch, i suggested that we limit our total spendings on outings to about 30 bucks. i mean, if we go for a movie, its already like 18-19 bucks. which leaves us about 11-12 bucks for dinner. so usuali we will eat sme cheap2 alacarte or fastfood meal.[some ppl like real onli dun wan to eat macdonald's after waching super size me. hahahha. i knew it. ur will failed u.] if we eat a more expensive dinner, eg Swensens or Breeks, we dun go for movies. Instead, we just sit down somewhere to play Scrabble, or take photo, or watch free concerts or just sit and talk lor.
we're supposed to study together on sundays. he's more disciplined than me. sometimes i skip coz i oversleep =]

other developments.

jus got a new laptop courtesy of HP/Compaq and Starhub. not bad la. a bit slow. coz there's very little ROM and RAM. so.. tink shud upgrade.. but i got no money. so tt can wait.
confirmed FYP group with minah and zhen. woots.

bought 2 peeptoe pumps for going out and one slipper for school from fond hugs.
oh ya. Brody lost his camera. n i was with him at tt time. ahhahaha. fainted la.

Any Other Business?

1) i tink i have some sort of irritable bowel syndrome. excessive flatulence la. IOW, fart n burp too much. i dont reali wanna go to a western doctor coz i reckon they'll just attribute it to poor diet and all. which i dun tink in my case applies la coz i eat veg and fibre and i even take vitamin supplements.. hmm. anyone know of any alternative treatments? TCM? Ayurveda?

2) i feel like cutting my hair short2 ah. after exams ah. short as in.. just below ears that type. i wan a professional but easy to maintain look for attachment. but im scared!! coz i tink its so easy to go wrong with a short hair cut. plus, i think it will emphasise my round-ish face. how? suggestions? objections?

Should i or shouldn i? help me make a decision, ppl.


Posted by theblackazure @ 2:08:00 AM
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