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Wednesday, August 30


nyeeah. i skipped my 830 lesson today. later got presentation.. then after tt gotta go UCC liao. sianz.

check out the free IQ analysis i got from doing the standard IQ test last year.

i suspect my results for this yr is gonna b much worse. i feel like im getting dumber by day. seriously.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/superiq/paidresult.jsp


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:32:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 29


getting really desperate.

so here's my publicity stint.




Akulturasi (Acculturation).

Takkan luntur dek warna, buana merona kerana manusia. (Unlike colors that fade, Earth becomes a vibrant place)

Globalization. Development. Changes. In this striving world, nature is no longer the driving factor for changes to occur. Humans are the main force that revamp, sketch and beautify Earth. Humans propel upgrading works in order to strive towards their goals and to attain success.

Even though Nature or Earth is modified resulting from human intervention, our hearts and identify as the Malay Community stay rooted and strong inevery individual. Our language and culture will not be waned easily nor will it be neglected. Even as we move ahead and sink into thisg lobalize world, the strong influence and preservation of our culture and language will still be within us even as we lead our daily, modernized lives. We can never stop embracing our language and culture despite various alternatives that have been introduced to fit into the modern world and to appeal to the younger generation.

The continuous changes around the world will not deter us from embracing our culture which has been a part of the Malay fabric for generations. Therefore, unlike colors that will fade as years go by, the earth becomes a vibrant place because of Man and development.




(click on image to enlarge)


Get the Friday tix. Seriously a lotttt of good seats left.. the choreography is reali unique i must say.. i am VERY VERY sure u'll enjoy it. i mean, the best part of it is, u get to meet me at the end of the show! it'll b like one of the rare times when u see me with make up on.. its a fair price to pay waaaaat.. right? right? right?

seriously tho, do come. tix at $12 onli.


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:09:00 AM
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Monday, August 28




the amount of frustration.. agony... tt constipatedness is exactly wat i feel right now.

it just irks me.

seriously, if u want to choose leaders to lead ur organisation and/or team, pls choose someone who knows wat he or she is entitled and expected to do in that position. i seriously dont understand how ppl can just put ppl into positions of power especially without even reali thinking abt whether or not this person can carry out responsibilities.

maybe its just tt these ppl are just sometimes too desperate already, so they sort of just put in any candidate to fill up tt seat. like for example, I, ME, AKU was actuali nominated for a liaison officer post for a certain student organisation. i was like... wtf? who, me?

i have no idea wat they were thinking but seriously... i am sooooo not the "type" for "that" organisation? aren't they at least afraid that i would somewat tarnish their "reputation" with my blond streaked hair and wat not? and isnt it clear tt i dont reali get myself involved in most of the things they do coz most of the time i tink is quite pointless. they dont make the effort to include us "outstanding" ones anw. but i do try to help out in those things which i see actually has a point. coz i tink its important to do beneficial things for the community at large. bygones. i shall stop talking abt "them" coz i dont want to b accused of slandering.. (which is wat they accuse anyone who talks abt them)

back to the topic.

like seriously. lets not even talk abt power. if u're given a responsibility, then DO it la. if not, then pls, for goodness sake, BEFORE u are given tt responsibility, tell them that u DO NOT want it. its only fair coz at the end of the day everybody doesnt have to suffer.

i reali dont understand how societies and groups of young ppl of university caliber can b so inefficient and indifferent. YES, we all DO have our own lives, but for goodness' sake, learn to balance ur time. and carry out ur responsibilities pls!!

if ppl had been more organised and had the foresight to see the amount of work and dedication they have to put in, well.. they wouldn fly to krabi then would they?

commitment?

fck la. commitment my arse.

pls dont use big words on me ESPECIALLY if u dont know the meaning urself.

i tink these ppl need to learn wat peter parker was taught.



WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.


its just embarrassing to have holes in the audience seats where ppl are supposed to be.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:00:00 AM
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Monday, August 21


so romantic.






has philophobic been cured?


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:08:00 AM
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Friday, August 18


everyone has a boiling point.

this afternoon my lecturer mentioned tt Asians generally have a low place in the cultural uncertainty avoidance dimension. meaning, Asians are generally tolerant, quiet, and less expressive. it does not mean tt we do not feel any uncertainty, tt we do not feel threatened or dissatisfied.. its just tt as Asians we try to hide our emotions. in my view, its probably bcoz often times, we do not know the best way of handling the matter. Furthermore, nothing in our culture teaches us how to express negative emotions. At best, we are told to just be patient and take it in stride.

The danger of handling anger this way is that all the rage or dissatisfaction tends to reach a peak, a so-called "boiling point". It is then where the expression of anger turns into outrage, and this, my friends, is what's so dangerous. afterall, there is a higher suicidal rate in such cultures.

So it was quite a surprise when i found tt Singapore was one of the lowest in the uncertainty avoidance index. Apparently, we are far from confrontational ppl. When we feel things are going wrong, we tend to keep it to ourselves. There is almost no expression in a formal channel. Worse come to worse, ppl just blog abt their woes and wait for it to be picked up by some journalist or wat-have-yous.

i tink this type of situation can be best expressed in my current dance group where there seems to be a lot of resentment with regards to ppl AND the way things are being done. yet, no one seems to be able to get their voice out. I understand.. it's nt tt i dont want to either.. Its just tt, for example, u wanna tell the coach something.. u wanna tell him tt he shud be more organised and not put too much pressure on ppl, but u cant do it. sometimes u cant even bring urself to put forward suggestions, no matter hw gd they seem. Perhaps this is the most evident form of a high power distance in our culture, where we are taught to respect and even kowtow to our seniors. the level of hierarchy is so apparent tt u avoid saying or doing anything u say bcoz u are scared tt u might be put back in ur place. or the hole u just crawled out from.

this kinda things sometimes make me forget tt i love dancing. but then again, the thing i love abt dance is tt its fun. and its fun bcoz of the company and the interxn we used to have btw ourselves and even between the coach.

i just think its sad tt in the process of creating a grand production like this, ppl tend to lose sight of how others are feeling. ppl tend to not see how much commitment is put into it. ppl cannot see the sacrifices. it is sad tt ppl seem to forget tt everyone has a life outside of dance practice and tt ppl want to spend time with their family, friends and their loved ones. i personally feel sad bcoz no one seems to see how difficult it is for me to let go of 2 wks of my tuition class, taking unpaid leave, cancelling my saturday private lessons just to give time for this. my income this month is cut by more than half because of this. and i keep on wondering, "is it worth it? or did i make a gargantuanly stupid mistake to sign up for this?".

it is sad because we feel tt it is a sacrifice in the first place. to b able to perform is a blessing, or at least its supposed to be. whatever happened to the philosophy i so strongly hold on to - it is not the destination, it is the journey.

i understand the pressure. we all live under some sort of pressure. but would u release ur tension to someone u know is pressurized as well? unlikely. y? bcoz it doesnt solve any problem and will just make both parties even more pressurized.

some ppl just dont perform under pressure. one example is me.

so just stop pressuring me. coz i might reach my boiling point.


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:02:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 16


i didn realise tt i havent blogged for a month.. til reeza mentioned it.

wow. how time flies.

i know i need to start blogging again before whatever writing skills i have turns to dust.

its just tt... lately... i havent been inspired.

is it the lethargy i wonder? or hav i stopped caring? or have i started to wonder if anyone is free enough to come and read wtv i post.

things have changed.

have not been happy these few days.. and i feel bad.. and guilty.

its funny how everyone thinks im always alright and tt the secrets i keep are happy ones.

couldnt be further from the truth.

distances between two ppl far away is painful. but distances between two ppl so close is heart-wrenching.

i know i havent been able to spend time with the family. we all have our commitments. but when trust turns to doubt, things get ugly. i know tt worry is part of being a parent, but if u are going to let me stand on my own to feet, u have to do it committedly.

i've done my fair share of stupid things in life. perhaps a little bit more than some ppl. but i dont understand y if u can keep secrets frm me, i cant keep secrets frm u.

ever since i was young, my privacy wasnt respected. ppl just tried to delve into my possessions, my thoughts, to find out "what was really going on". In fact, nothing was. i was just in a growing up phase where i needed my own space and place to writed down my thoughts and feelings. and then i discover that my privacy had been violated. y do u think i stopped writing journals?

now, its tt time again. i am stepping into tt new phase in life. so many new thoughts, feelings and sensations running thru me. at least giv me the space. and think before u even say anything. how could u say im creating problems to u. do u know how hurt i was by tt comment?

im creating problems for u?

sometimes ppl dont realise tt they are the reason y we work so hard. i dont have to earn my own money. i can just ask u for allowance every month. yet i dont bcoz, if possible, i wanna take every burden away frm u. i would ask u to pick me up frm my late night practices or frm my tuition place, far on the other side. bcoz i know tt u are tired as well, plus the gas prices are up.

its nt cheap to support urself thru skool. and its nt easy to be committed to a job. i make it look so easy. and i know im nonchalant abt it. coz i keep thinking.. there are others who have a tougher life.

i guess i now know y i enjoy dance so much.

coz its an escape.

u take ur focus off everything else and just concentrate on those 8 counts. i feel blessed with my life. but i wish ppl could see tt each direction i step into takes a great effort and did not come abt like magic. i've worked hard for evrything tt i am, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, rationally.

when i was young i wished to be under-appreciated. i guess my wish did come true.












happy birthday.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:30:00 AM
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