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Thursday, March 30


i dont know wat else to do.

i know im writing this out of anger, perhaps. disappointment maybe but a definite sense of confusion.

i dont understand ur actions. they dont seem to match your words. there seems to be sthg that u're hiding from us. its unfair! i dont understand. its unfair that i dont get to understnd.

you know i love you very very much and i know that you love me too but i cant help but doubt you sometimes. i cant trust u sometimes. there seems to be so much going on under the surface. too much.

i dont understand the meaning of it. why a six hundred dollar piece of jewelry in such times? i dont want it. i dont need it. i want a driving license and u cant, u refuse to help me out with that. and then u go out and buy me this "gift" i suppose out of impulse?

i could have done so so much more with that money.

i dont believe it.

i work so hard to earn my own keeps. i try to lift the burden off your shoulders. i am trying to help. sometimes, u make the situation sound so dire, and i feel so pressured by it. its only that i dont show. as far as possible i try not to get help from you, i dont want to be a burden(sometimes everyone seems to make me sound like one). i spend so much time n energy to try support myself through school n i believe i have done tht successfully thus far.

i am trying to be responsible for myself.

i have so much on my mind. my time is fully taken up. i feel like a ticking time bomb.

i know i dont show it but im cracking on the inside. i really am. but i know im stronger than tt and i will wake up tmr and strive on. i will wake up everyday and strive on.

i wish sometimes u'd just look at it from my view point and know wat i reali reali want.

dont think i dont appreciate ur gesture. dont think i dont appreciate u. dont think i dont appreciate the bracelet. i guess its just a qn of wrong timing.

but dont worry, u'll see a smile on my face. u'll see it on my wrists. i will think of u evrytime i see it.

sometimes i just wish u'd ask me first.


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:52:00 PM
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Friday, March 24


the philosophy of you....


someone who i can be comfortable with, someone who's comfortable with me.
someone who's into the same simple things im into,
someone who has different interests from me.
someone who wants to know abt me and doesnt talk to me just for the sake of talking.
someone i can burp and fart in front of and wouldnt even batt an eyelash.
someone who will make fun of me but know when to draw the line.
someone who i can make fun off without having to draw the line.

someone who'll "cook" with me.
someone who'll cook for me.
someone who'll make me laugh.
someone who'll make me cry because tt someone made me laugh so hard.

someone who talks.
someone who listens.
someone who sings but cant carry a tune.
someone who dances.. no. i wouldnt like that.
someone who cant dance. whose dancing would be the butt of my insults.

someone with intelligence.
someone with humour.
perhaps someone with intelligent humour.
but full of lame jokes too.

someone who knows God.

someone i cant take my eyes off.
not because tt someone is good looking.
but just because..
tt someone is MY someone.

someone with big feet.
coz i have those too.
someone who'd go shopping with me.
and understand why it's soooo hard for me to find shoes.
and guess what?
that would be the butt of his insults..

someone my family would love.
coz i love them too much.
someone my cats would love.
a new pair of hands to stroke them.

someone i can discuss politics with..
then switch topic to paris hilton.
someone who doesnt need to see me everyday, call me every night, sms me every minute.
but tt someone will be there for me without fail

someone independent..
coz that's what i am.
that's what i need.
that's who i need.

someone secure with themselves.
someone with an ego as big as mine.
but will always let me win.

someone cool.
someone hot. (even if it's in my eyes only)
someone who thinks im hot. (even if it's in tt someone's eyes only)

someone who doesnt really care about money
but will secure me a comfortable life
someone who lets me laugh when he trips and fall
and when we see naughty children fall in front of us
we'll laugh together.

someone who'll never let me fall

someone who can sense me.
someone who makes sense.
someone who will make sense for me.
coz most of the time,
i don't make any.

someone like teh tarik on a sunday evening,
comforting, enveloping every part of my body with warmth
sweet aftertaste in my mouth.

...

...

...

but this someone is a philosophy.
that may or may not come true.
like air, aura, karma.
cant see it, touch it, feel it.
but u know it's that close to you.

dear mr someone, hope someday i find you.




kita merancang tuhan menentukan.


Posted by theblackazure @ 8:46:00 PM
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Monday, March 20


Im soooo sleeeeepppyyy. (-,-);

Yeap.

Skipped class again. IT this time.. geez. Im a lazy bugger.

But really, some classes don't help lah. Esp. if u're sleepy. Like.. wtv the lecturer or tutor says will just whiz by like nobody's business.

Gawd. Im sooo sleepy.

Was watching brokeback again on the pc last night. No, reali, this morning.

(-_-")

Updates.

I feel so fat lah. Keep eating and eating and eating. Exercise has really really really been minimized. Geez. I hope I can regain wtv fitness I had to do contemporary.

Speaking of which, I'll b joining ilsa in may. *enthused but tired hooray*

Hmmm.. wat else?

Oh.

Im going to l'oreal later on in the evening to get a diff hairstyle. FOR FREE. Tts y I agreed to go in the first place lah. Im basically a guinea pig. Hoorah for the world. But I guess its time I get something new. Coz im getting sick n tired of looking at myself in the mirror. I never thought tt day wud come. *lethargic muahaha*.

Ooh. Made brownies yest. Going to give some lucky ppl today. So lucky. No.. im nt nice. This just happen to fall into a category of "nice gestures". But im nt nice. I AM NOT A NICE PERSON. Trust me.

*stones*

mm.. a lot of projects and assignments up. It's the final stretch.. and im so lethargic. Die lah. Die lah.

Hey. Did I just typed die lah twice?

Die lah.

I dunno how to IT project. How? Die lah.

Tmr got OB proj meeting.. and I haven't started my part of the report. Wait. I forgot which part im supposed to do. Die lah.

Aiya. Still got tt stoopid biz comm. assignment. Wahliao.

Sheeeeet. I just realized tt I have biz law presentation this wk.. n I cant come.. Ohhh.. n*b*h. mati mati.. tentu mati.

check this out: the thing tt has made me shagged

hmmm.. i wonder y its soo minah. *act stupid*

Shaggodydoodahdey.
Feel so melted today.

mm. my hair smells nice. lets watch the stars again.

Anyone wanna go gema puisi wif me?



Posted by theblackazure @ 9:43:00 AM
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Thursday, March 9


"slacker!"

tts was the first thing i heard from my fren this morning. actuali, she pointed at me and screamed.. so it was more like "*points to me* SLACKER!!"

hoho.

big suprise.

anw, here i am in the access lab instead of being in econs tutorial. geez. i lost count of how many times i've skipped econs class. actuali, i tink so far i only went for 3 lessons. *died-ed*. but cant help it lah. the teacher is so wols.. and she keeps on going thru the mathematical-ish solutions and the graph. hen man leh.. and hen hen boring. *feigns a yawn*

i finally got my pay last week (YESSA!) but im not reali tt elated afterall. i've decided tt i shud stop spending on peripheral things and save so i can buy expensive, nice things for myself.

like...



this

yes yes.. i know i already have an O2.. but in my defence, this is better!!!!! its got wiFi, FM radio, flash, better resolution screen.. and... its.... BLACK!!! it looks so gorgeous, so macho, so masculine... ooooh.. its so sexay and ive got to have it!! so im gonna have it by hook or by crook. i am. i will. i must. will-i-am. muahah.

next, i'll need money for....



this...

no silly.... im not going to buy an island....... this is an island in langkawi, malaysia and me and my besties are going to go on holiday!! well, not necessarily to langkawi, but the gist of it is dat we PLAN to go to some island in msia to chill out together. this is an attempt in making full use of our youth. aka I DONT WANNA GROW UP!!

besides tt, i'll also need to save.. for....


haha.

sape lah tu..

as the astute amongst u wud have guessed by now, i need to save for driving lessons lah.. but i hav no idea how much it wud cost and wats the diff btw private n school tingie. then i also duno y they say private students failure rate is higher.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN?

so... after talking for so long, do u knoe wat the moral of the story is?

the moral of the story is....... i cant go shopping for clothes lah. my mum has not been working for a week and just to prove her point tt i have a lot of clothes, she ironed all my need-to-be-ironed shirts and folded all my other clothes n put them in my wardrobe. seriously, my wardrobe looks like it is at to give way.

i wanna work marry a rich husband and buy a large house. then i'll have a walk-in wardrobe the size of my house now.

muahahaha.

dream on.


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:32:00 AM
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Sunday, March 5


hey!

im bored, i have spare time so i decided to blog.. haha.

ok.. so i DO actuali have tutorials and readings to do.. but who cares.. i dont intend to get into HR so im not intrested to study for OB, not interested in IT so im nt intrestd to study IT, nt intrestd to be a consultant so im nt gonna study BIZ LAW, nt intrestd in being an economist so im nt gonna study econs. Furthermore, im not at all intrestd to bcome a lecturer, teacher or tutor in any of the above fields, so tt gives me more reasons y i won't have to study for it. Having said that, there's also the biz communications class.. the best class in my view coz i learn a lot of practical stuff. stuff tt i can apply during my work life (tts only 2 yrs frm now) and stuff i had no idea was going on in most offices. well, i dont exactly come from a family of white collar workers ya know.

then there's chinese. the only reason y i actuali bother to wake up n go for econs class on thurdays is bcoz there's chinese lessons after tt. MANDARIN IS SO FREAKIN INTRESTING!! yes i have had a lot of headaches dealing with the words, tones and characters, but it doesnt make it any less INTRESTING!!!!!

well i've had this affinity for languages since young, its just tt my parents thot i was kidding when i said i wanted to learn mandarin. they wanted me to learn tamil. like wtf? tamil is so freakin DIFFICULT!! i tried learning it okaie... n until now im still confused as to how to say "you" and "I".

i wanna learn spanish and french too! n korean! u know korean characters have 'a' 'b' 'c' too.. so FREAKIN COOL RITE???!!!! and i wanna learn arabic coz if i were to speak in arabic tt wpuld be waaaaaaaaaaay COOL!!! but right now all i know is "la.." and"na'am". cmi la.

anyhoo, did u know tt if my name was spelt correctly and had not been malay-fied, it would have been

Nour'el Ain

instead?

SO FREAKING NICE RITE!!!!

if my name had been spelt as above, then ppl can call me ain, or Nour, or El, as in Elle Woods (think legally blonde, ppl, and i can name my cat Bruiser!!)

but no.. i had to be stuck with Nurul.

*p$q#x^y%z@*

tapi nggak apa pa la. seperrti kata sastrrawan shakespearrre,

TT WHICH A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD STILL SMELL AS SWEET.






bila ngomong2 bahsa Endo, harrus rrroll urr Rs... barru kerrren. gue cakep yang benerr sih..


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:17:00 PM
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Saturday, March 4


some guys can't shoot straight.

haha.. learnt tt in communications class just now. ohh the things we learn.. wat a wonderful world.

but anyhoo dear beautifuls, how are u?

sorry been MIA for a while.. but ive been very very very busy with assignments this week. ok.. so its bcoz i procrastinated and didn do nuts during the break. but hey, a girl's gotta have her well deserved no-touching-of-books break ya know..

anw, all those late nites churning words out costed me. bcoz i got sick!! yea man. it was bad. the runny nose especially. it was like a faucet sia. more like a broken faucet. cannot close. haha. so my mucus was like slipping and sliding all over the place lah. i give a pet name for my mucus, i call them mucozoids coz it sounds like transformers (the robots).

*imagines self slipping n sliding in own mucozoids*

quite intresting la actuali. coz at first rite, my mucuzoid was clear ah. it reali look like water coming out of a tap. only a bit viscous lah. i didn wanna see the dr bcoz i was broke. then on thursday i cudn tahan, so i went lah to the clinic in sch. the dr is very young.. and very bald. i mean.. can see ah.. the face is very young, but his hair is so sparse! its like those proffesors with large rimmed glasses and polka dotted bow ties. tres academician chic. but anyhoo, the consultation lasted less than 3 minutes. seriously. like super super fast.
during the consultation he asked me wat colour my mucus was.. i said clear lah. then he asked me when i started coughing. i said 2 days ago. then he explained tt i was coughing because my mucozoids was actuali dripping into my throat!!!!! UBER GROSS RITE?!!! no wonder i didn become a doctor. tt wud have been a tragedy of epic proportions sia.


anw, dr [hair]doolittle (hairdo-little, get it? get it?!!! muahahahaha!) gave me like.. 5 types of medicine ah. got 1 for mucus, 2 for phlegm, cough syrup and antibiotics. the antibiotics was already $11 ah. *faints*. but altogether it was $15.50. so i guess it was a good deal.

but rite, the kewl thing was... after i started taking the medicine rite, my mucus started turning yellow sia. like some sort of Midas effect. way kewl.......

its reali amazing ah these chemical reactions in our body. i mean, its like soooo complicated u know and seeing how complicated it is just strengthens my faith. seriously, i may sound like a bimbo and my blog may sound like the "Talking Point(less)" show, but these things make me think. they make me tic.

and then of course there are the reactions u cant reali explain. the stuff tt just happens and cause a stir of emotions frm somewhere deep within. like.. the feeling js bursts out from ur guts and then u get a rush of blood to the head.

aaaah. tts wat they call the birds and the bees.

but now im better. yeah. so can go eat ice cream and chocolate and old chang kee and toffee and milo and ice blended frappucino and fries and keropoks!!

yey!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by theblackazure @ 2:51:00 AM
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Friday, March 3


*coughcough*

*sniffsniff*

*blows nose*




ok. guess whats wrong with me.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:47:00 AM
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