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Friday, July 30


i'm sorry. i really am. but i guess nothing abt us was ever meant to be.
i believe i took a harder blow than u did. it hurts and it sucks. serves me right i guess. it was supposed to be pay-back time for u anyway.
 
i tried but i failed.
 
 

She, with the broken smile.
 
as a flood of memories,
broke the calm.
surpression surfaces
 
mend her heart
fix her smile
 
please sir, if you care.
 
or
 
walk away..


Posted by theblackazure @ 10:30:00 PM
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Sunday, July 25


heh. frenster.
 
suddenly, a tide.. erm.. more like.. a flood.. of old friends, acquaintances.. people i used to be closed to.. people i never understood. good thing? erm..no comments.
 
but it's no doubt interesting to see the different paths different people take. people who become popular, people who become party people, people who become pious..
 
so i asked myself if destiny is the result of consequences or otherwise. do we have a choice in destiny? are those choices governed by circumstances?
 
it's a huge mound of confusing thoughts/philosophies.. and i'm hungry so i cant really think. and so.. the ramblings.. well.. sorry.
 
to be honest, i am scared to be reacquainted with my old friends. Perhaps because i am comfortable in my place and with my pool of friends. because we're of the same wavelength. i think i'd probably stick out like a sore thumb amongst my primary school friends. I just don't have as much going on as most of them do. and im sooooo unhip and unhappening. though i comfort myself by telling me "it's hip to be square". heh. im not saying that my ("current") pool of friends are square. actually, they're far from that. it's just that.. i know that they are accepting of me and my square..um..ness. neither am i saying that my old friends are not accepting people.. i'm merely saying that.. there is that risk..
 
i don't pluck my eyebrows, i don't shave my legs, i don't put on make-up very often, i hate techno, im not into pubbing, im a conservative, yet im liberal.. i have my own religious viewpoints (not an extremist but not totally detached), i love my family(though i always speak badly of my brother.. haha), im not a poseur, i don't find pimp music amusing, i like buble and callum and mayer and (david, not gareth)gates and michael bolton and richard marx, i prefer clay over fantasia.. i dont like the OC. neither do i like the simple life. i like nip/tuck(sometimes, when it's not sleaze-fest), i like the apprentice, i like the dead zone, i like navy ncis, i like both csi and csi miami. and i am very vain. and proud of it.
 
i am just me. and im comfortable in my skin. a 65 yr old woman stuck in some ditsy girl's body. but i like it that way.
 
ps: david beckham is overrated, and so is Man U. and Fernando morrientes is THE man.. 


Posted by theblackazure @ 2:18:00 PM
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yea.. the sia girls.. haha.. right.. anyways, that is my malay dance teacher in-charge (Mrs Marianne Tan) in the middle (with the kebaya). I think she's the best looking one..
Posted by Hello


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:01:00 PM
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and this... is the sia ghoul. i wonder wat my children will say when they see this picture...
Posted by Hello


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:59:00 PM
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Sunday, July 18


"accidentally in love". understatement of the year! =]
 
ok kiddos.. so i didn't do too badly for my cts. no Fs. that's good. sorta. though i was quite pissed with my bio results since i spent a whole freakin week on it. aaah. bio teachers suck to the core of suckiness. and her royal suckiness has to be vivien loh. pls lah.. i got only 5 marks for her medical biotech section. biatch.
 
im in my econs teacher's good books strangely enough. she used to like look at me with dat "oh my god!! she's malay!! she must be pretty dumb!" kinda look. heh. things happen. people change. or at least perceptions do.
 
i havent got back my gp paper though. as in, my compre. i got 30 for my atrociously written essay. 3rd highest in class. what is the world coming to. really. previously, we had people scoring 37,38 and even 42. this round of ct was most positively weird.
 
so here at my grades so far. ok. not fantastic, but hey, what else did u expect?
 
maths: 39 O8
chem : 47  E
econs : 52  D
 
i can't wait to see the look on my parents' faces when they see my report slip.


Posted by theblackazure @ 8:53:00 AM
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Friday, July 16


yo kiddos! so happening.. kewl.
 
ok. i guess i have to apologise for not writing in for so long alredeh.. busy with dance and school work and stuff. phew. been a tiring week. still got the mural painting tingie tomorrow.. ok. its a mural that my friends and i are painting on this metal fencing around this construction site. it's for the PPIS Jurong Family Service Centre. it's just opposite rulang primary school (tt's in jurong west, btw), so if u guys wanna see it, or be a part of it.. just come on down. there's cip hours also lah.. for those who got not enough. ok. sorry for the bad english. im just real full just now so my head's kinda like "yummmieeee..". haha. i remind myself of homer simpson sometimes. "dope!"
 
random thoughts.
u know what... sometimes we tend to overlook things. and non-aircon buses help put things into perspective. well, at least for me.
 
i guess in this organised sort of chaos we have been programmed to focus on superficialities. i was alone on the bus just now when it  passed by the chinese gardens. now, i know for sure that this is one heck of an underappreciated plot of greenery. i mean, i've probably passed by this place millions of times, but i've never really taken the time or effort to stop and admire its serenity and the beauty in its simplicity. To tell you the truth,most of the time, i dont even spare it a glance.
 
but just now, i saw probably one of the rarest and most beautiful scenes i've ever seen. Imagine this-- the sky was beginning to darken, it was probably 7.30pm or so. the lake in the gardens was still, yet the water was reverberating with a sort of energy you see even in the stillest, shallowest pond. on the background, lights from the nearby HDB flats. in the foreground, tall, willowy trees  slightly bent in the breeze. the lights of the urban landscape captured and reflected by the waters. as if it was one giant, black mirror.  and then the pagoda, by the side, standing.. silent and resilient as if it holds a thousand secrets.
 
tell u what. it was beautiful and i was lucky i didn't miss it. then, as if that was not enough an upliftment for a day, the smell of processed cocoa greeted me as the bus was going towards the boon lay interchange. it was from the cadbury chocolate factory nearby and i didn't quite mind that it was mixed together with fumes from other nearby industries. i took a deep breath, thinking, if i were to die suffocating, let it be because of the smell of hot cocoa.
 
i thank god that i boarded a non-aircon bus today. and i feel so bad that i whined when it first came. it taught me to step back and to appreciate the things i have around me. including the friends whom i so dearly love. henceforth, i shall not just look. i shall try to see. 


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:19:00 PM
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Friday, July 9


aaaah.. let the speculations begin...

wat? i fell in love with a mat. seriously. i saw it at ikea.. its about 8 feet long and 5 feet wide.. and it's black, white and blue and has overlapping circles all over.. ok ok.. i guess normal people would call it a rug. =i heh.

ok. i gt back more results.. and its not as devastating as i thought. no Fs so far.. though there are plenty of Os and Es. haha. like i care. maybe i dont feel so bad because i know i didn't really work hard this time round. or maybe its just because the hapiness overwrites the guilt. =]

hee.. i didnt know it was gonna be this fun. i love manganese.


Posted by theblackazure @ 9:38:00 PM
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Wednesday, July 7


hey kiddos... miss me?

seems that it's been a while since i last posted. sorry ya.. just.. kinda busy... or lazy.. or more often than not, both. been a crazy crazy week since i last posted. a whole lot of WEIRD, happy, dissapointing things happening all at once. but i just cant stop smiling. =]

what if i told u i fell in love.... with a mat? haha..

dun worry guys.. i didn't.. as in.. not a mat. enough said. can't really tell u coz its WEIRD. =]

someone has got to stop my smiling thing.. i nearly laughed out loud in the bus just now.. and the worst thing was. i was by myself. these days i've been really reminiscing my days as a kid. miss those times where there was downright flirting.. where guys in the bus smiled cheekily to girls at the bus stop. =] i know, for the most part, i've really been like anti-BGR and all that crap.. but it's just that. im anti-BGR. im not anti-relationships. and im not anti-love. come on people.. im not a stone. though i admit stoning rocks! (pun intended) life's a roller coaster and im now experiencing the rush of adrenaline. the world seems to be more beautiful than ever. nirvana? maybe.

i think the pressure towards the As are really kicking in. It's the final stretch.. no more not doing tutorials, no more 6hr tv marathons on a school night, and worse of all, no more late night phone calls. but hey, sacrifices have to be made.. soon, it'll all be over, then, a whole lot of slacking and spacing out, tonnes of 8 hr movie marathons, going to weird places (haha) and a constant dose of late night phonecalls.=]

on a darker note (as opposed to "on a lighter note"), i did really badly for my CTs. haha. but im still smiling. here's what i got so far.

Bio paper 2: 13.5/20
Econs paper 1: 11 /30
C Maths : 38.5/100
Chem (prac) : 50 /75

ok. judging by this results, im pretty much screwed this round of CTs. haha.. but im kinda ok with it. really. i just hope that god will give me strength, patience and an open heart and mind in order to stop slacking, start mugging and get to where i want to be.. im eyeing the NTU Communications fac. pray with me ya..


Posted by theblackazure @ 3:47:00 PM
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