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Friday, December 30


dear readers,

i know it sounds cliche, but i cant believe 2005 is coming to an end.

somehow, altho lots of embarrassing, heart aching things have happened, i can still look back and smile.

came across lots of new faces this yr.. beautiful ppl..

got reacquainted n became even closer to the friends i've had for years.

tried new things... like baking, working, dance sport.

new musical taste. indobands. (they're kinda like the britband of the malay song industry)

fell for someone. got out of it in a jiffy.

missed someone but not anymore. coz i realise its POINTLESS. (u disappoint me)

on good terms with someone i was not on good terms with last year.. (refer to may2004)

and then fell really really bad for someone else. not getting out of that in a jiffy.

its amazing how much u learn abt life n abt urself in such a short span of time. i remember being so cynical abt everything and everyone around me. i remember not believing in "love". i remember thinking that ppl wouldnt be there for me when i needed them. i thot that happened only in movies.. in fairytales. i was so wrong.

2005 made me realise that everything that u work for can be gone in a second. rmbr my dreams of maldives? i feel its so unnecessary now. i have my family. i have my cats. laughter, joy, security, i have it all. i guess sometimes i'm just afraid. wat if it all disappears? wat if it all goes away in a split second? will i be strong enough to carry on? do i have someone who will stand by me through thick and thin? someone who'll love me no matter wat?

questions questions questions. questions which i hope, in time, shall b answered.

for now, im pretty happy with my life. i love my friends. and i looovvveee my family. and i love school.

i realise tt i'll be young only ONCE. and it will never happen again. im gonna do evrything and feel anything i want to coz i only have this ONE chance. i realise that hey, i do care what ppl think of me. because in the end, THATS what matters. i dont want ppl to think of me as a cynic. no. never.

my resolution is simple. im gonna let go more. i'll try not to keep things to myself (as i've done basically, thruout my entire life). i know ive said it before, bt i havent reali delivered.

honestly, i cant promise to. its difficult for me. sometimes i write stuff i want to post, and then press backspace allll the way. its difficult for me to trust in ppl. lets just say that something happened to me before and it is the root cause of all this delusion, paranoia and cynicism. BUT, i know i have ppl who genuinely care for me. really, i know. its... its just..... difficult.

to all of u, i'd just like to say thank u for being my friends. thank u for reading my blog because it means tt u care abt how im doing. and thank you for not talking abt wat i write in real life.

thank you thank you thank you.

have a good year ahead.

god bless.


Posted by theblackazure @ 10:47:00 PM
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Wednesday, December 28


hee3..

ok.

so, so far, i've only updated my blog for the sake of updating.. been rather bz with various stuff.. here, there, everywhere. =p

so........

where hav i been?

hmmmmm....

lets start with thursday, 22 dec.

went out with veena after eons of not seeing her... the last time we went out i was trying to dispense (good) advice on whether she shud choose nus or smu. it was a complicated issue reali.. bt all that's personal.. yeap. long story.

anw, it was good to see an old fren again. it was thursday so the crowd was just beginning to pick up. by the time we left (which was abt 8) wisma had been jam packed. urgh. i hate crowds.


yea.. we look alike.. its the malayalee thing.

rite..

moving on to turkey day, saturday, 24 dec..

we(dad n moi) tried an unorthodox method of cooking turkey.. we actually baked it in an "earth oven" with charcoal on the bottom and on top.


the alleged bird




the earth oven

mmmmm.. i forgot to take pictures of the cooked turkey.. mainly coz i was bz eating..

oh ya.. just to rub it in (especially for dearest minah), tt afternoon, before having turkey, we had steamed white pomfret n tiger prawns. *evil grins at minah*



= j

so.. next.. monday, boxing day- 26 dec.

as mentioned, the folks n i went to batam. bro cbb as usual..

nothing much there la. shopping wasnt fun coz the price was abt the same as sing price.. and the clothes were fugly dudly. but the boots were cheap lah.. it was only 30+ sing dollars. budden, as usual, no size lah. i was so saded by tt sia.

we went to this suspension bridge there(think the Golden Gate, but downsized.. by a lot..).


nice ay?


fishermen.. and a natural lagoon for once...


my mum is gonna smack me for posting this photo. very unflattering. hoho.

oh ya... we had crab and prawns. one was Rp 5000. which is less than one sing dollars. HOHOHOHHOHO. and they were super fresh.



i'd go there for food. its delicious n bloody cheap. nt a gd shopping destination tho.

ok. off to tuesday, 27 dec.

baked 2 cakes. a dark rich carrot cake(thnx nic for the recipe) and a hazelnut cream chocolate sponge cake for a friend's birthday.


here's the carrot cake.



ok. i know some of u are thinking that using carrots to make cake is ewww. but reali, its not! i was surprised myself.. it tastes really good. sort of like fruit cake but more savoury.. coz can taste the spices n all.. and the carrots actually melt.. so u actually dont see any carrots in it.

yeap.

later in the evening i went for dinner with my camp ppl. as usual, it was fun. a lot of irrelevant crappings. n the food was good. altho the birthday girl's bamia arrived like.. 2 hrs later. hoho.

i shared food with tzul coz we thot the portions were too big to handle.. hoho. we were so wrong.. we ended up ordering 2 dishes in the end.

round uno


sheesh! kebab.. with wedgies...

round dos


crispy chicken with rice..

and then i decided to throw in this picture of tzul as a free gift.. hoho



hee3. eeeeeevvuullll...

ooooh... then bdae girl filzah blew out the bdae cake.. but SOMEONE forgot to take pics when the candles were lit..... ;p





evribody happy happy!!! yey!!


Posted by theblackazure @ 8:10:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 27


HAPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

im so happpppppppyyyyy!!!!

can?

so freakin OVERJOYED.

i love u ah minah. u rock!

ok la. actuali, im very VERY confused.

shud i reali be happy?



congratulations minah!! u're officially the person who knows most abt this whole thing.. hee2. ;) thnx for being there for me! mum's the word... shhhhhh..


Posted by theblackazure @ 1:08:00 AM
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Friday, December 23


ok.

so the news is, i have a class. yeap. this time around, i not onli hav classmates, i actuali have a class. so basically, there's a high probability that i'll see the same ppl evrywhere i go.

good thing?

i dunno.....

seems to be a few familiar faces. one im not too particularly fond off.

oh well. bygones.

im off to the weekend home to cook turkey.


Posted by theblackazure @ 3:14:00 PM
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Wednesday, December 21


tonight, no naming of names shall be permitted.

alrity.

how r my beautifools?

confused?

why?

ohhhh.... i see..... too many opinions regarding that-charity-organisation "saga"..

hmmm. ya. i concur.

bt before tt, lets talk abt wat seems like the pet word among the leading english press. tt time the local-actress-who-had-liver-complications-because-of-that-slimming-pill case also use this word..

wats the word u ask?

the word is..................*drumroll pls*............. saga.

maybe its becoz singapore not tt happening ah.. like.. not much political conflict. unlike the nextdoor neighbour lah. remember the recent case between the former pm and the-lady minister-for-trade-n-sthgsthg.. the case involving tt-very-lousy-neighbourhood-manufactured-car (which my dad drives btw.. tts y i know its lousy).. fUyOO.. tt feud was damn happening sia.

anyway, let me get back to my point.

my point is, when there's no sensation, u have to create sensation.. hence the use of the word saga.. which implies some sort of grandeur.. some draggy affair.. so.. maybe tts y the local press love it so much.

so, while we're on the topic, let me share my humble (and somewhat cynical) opinion on this matter.

now, i know it sounds totally distrusting and rather contemptuous(dunno hw to spell it lar), bt i believe that the reason y this thing has been blown up to yet another "saga" is because it involves money. to be exact, it involves singaporean's money. tts y they're so worked up over this issue. coz its their money.

personally, i tink tt the-ceo did abuse his power. budden there's also a side of me itching to claim that he is innocent..

y?

ok. to be frank, the confusion for me lies in 2 words-- charity organisation. now, wat exactly does it mean when u are the head of a charity organisation? does it mean tt u are doing charity work? or are u just simply working? if it is charity work tt u are doing, should u even get paid for it in the first place? and if its simply work, shouldnt u get a huge salary just like any other ceo of a large company would?

im not one who'd dwell on how much the poor guy (no pun intended) gets annually. i dun even care abt the first class air tickets. i tink those things are acceptable. but sadly, avarice is addictive.. and so is extravagance.

had it not been for the contractor n the alleged golden tap... no can of whoopass would have been opened. and my brother would still be getting hair salon vouchers for his monthly contributions to this said organisation.

but no........ the guy just had to have tt thing installed in his private toilet.

big mistake.

tres big mistake.

BUT REALLY, here's my so-called dilemma.

how come before this can of whoopass was opened, nobody questioned the way things were done in this organisation. i know tt the said organisation is an NGO, bt i also know tt there's govt 'peeps' OVERSEEING it.

so why was there the OVERSIGHT?

was it really an oversight? or was it a case of "aiyah, just close on eye?"

is this y the govt took so long to respond to this "crisis"? so that they can *puts right hand on right butt cheek and left hand on left butt cheek* (read: cover their own asses)?

c'monlah.

only 10% of wat is donated is chanelled to the patients. WUDN TT HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS?

and another question.

nw tt they hired one-of-the-big-4-auditing-firms 'peeps' to do the auditing, y the sudden cascade of information? its like.. they finally found a good can opener and managed to open up a whole carton of whoopasses.

ive gone thru a few annual reports.. n there's always some long, draggy, boring section where the auditors crapped on and on abt hw they've checked thoroughly and found tt no fishy smell has been emitted. hw come nothing bad surfaced then, and evrything bad surfaces now?

were the auditors sleeping(the way u guys probably are by now)? wat kind of accounting practice was used?

*sighs. shakes head*

i can go on pointing fingers for eons and nothing will be solved. the only tt wud happen, however, is u guys falling asleep.

IN A NUTSHELL,

we have to remember tt although it is our hard-earned money tts being used, the true victims are the patients. it can become a dangerous, lose-lose situation for them especially if we wrongfully and ignorantly relinquish our support for them.

i guess evryone in the right frame of mind knows tt there is a need for stricter guidelines and more transparency in such an organisation. there's no need to manipulate figures and betray the public with sob stories.

i believe ppl will continue to donate... ok. maybe have to wait until the reserves shrink a little.. but singaporeans are generally big hearted la.. they are actualli quite ok parting with their money....

yeap. so after all is said and done, i realise tt the mistake was not just one person's.

as the old adage goes, it takes deux hands to clap.


Posted by theblackazure @ 11:42:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 20


too pissed to blog.

bt just want to say sorry to someone for being so late just now. im trying to kick the habit. its a horrible habit i know. thanks for being patient n for being a true fren. 14 yrs n counting.







everybody has their own demons.


Posted by theblackazure @ 10:57:00 PM
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Monday, December 19


hoho.

results are out.

can kiss my first class honours goodbye le.

ok la. the good thing is, its only my first year.. first sem somemore.. (albeit there's only tres years....)

so i guess next year must CHHHHEEEEEEOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG!!!

rite.

bt i tink its ok la.. i tink its quite obvious tt i dun study as hard as other ppl.. so its only fair rite?

its not tt i dun try to study hard.. i do.. i try to lah at least... but.. alah.... after a while, it sorta gets pointless n dry ah.. i tink im a case of untreated ADD. haha.

ok la. i know i do this time n again.. im trying to make excuses can anot..........................

been mia again huh. away at camp la.. been to my weekend home a lot too. got wedding, then got circumcision thingie. damn syiok lah. u get circumcised, u sit wearing a kain n do nothing, and ur relatives come n give u money.

liddat i oso want to get circumcised seh.

*sigh*

skool's starting in 2 weeks. faint lar. im totally not ready. physically and mentally... i still havent go out with evryone.. its hard to get ppl when u want them. oh yes, im selfish like dat.

keep seeing the word "obsessed" on inez's blog. sometimes my brain sort of confuses the word obsessed with possessed..

well, not much difference lah.. in any case, both can make ppl go mad.........

YEAP.

seriously. omg. im going insane. and partly because there's no one i can give the complete lowdown to.

well, there is.. but she's in nus!!!!! im in ntu!!!! n word travels fast in tt particular social circle in ntu.. so im never ever EVER ever gonna tell anyone even remotely close to tt particular social circle in ntu.... *shudders*

my fav cousin is coming down to s'pore this weekend. steady ah. she's driving.. so i can make her take me anywhere. im going to batam on boxing day.. look for prostitutes. wahahahaha. but seriously.. im going to batam.. bt dunno for wat ah.

i wanna write longer.. but its not as if u all will read rite? i know la.. bcoz i hav short attention span oso(see above argument)..


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:06:00 AM
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Friday, December 9


isnt this nice?



im tinkin of making it a theme for my next blog skin.

seems many "peeps" are changing their skins.

i suspect its more so coz its-the-end-of-the-yr-and-i-wanna-fresh-start thing rather than the i-got-too-much-time-on-my-hands thing.

anw, i gt inspired by the image coz i was re-watching edward scissorhands on star movies the other day.. its a very memorable film. u know, parts of it get stuck in yer head and refuse to leave.. sort of like the scum in my big toe nail.

im of the view tt pedicures are a waste of money by the way. (total digression)

anyhoo...

this pic of him is hoho hot.



i tink ilda used this pic for her blog skin once upon a time ago.

seems like he has a fag hangin out of his mouth nearly evry picture he takes. not tt i mind guys who smoke lah. i realli cudn care less.. but.. its nt nice to take picture with a cigg between the lips lah. uber uncool.

i don't feel like myself today. 'tis weird.




yet to have an out-of-body experience.


Posted by theblackazure @ 12:19:00 PM
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wat time is it?

hoho. i cant sleep.


Posted by theblackazure @ 3:34:00 AM
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Wednesday, December 7


i have a question.

why do we laugh when we get tickled?

even when we dont like being tickled, we'll still laugh.

why?

why can't we just scream "NO!!!"

or

"F**K OFF U D**K!!"

y would we laugh when some of us, clearly, dont enjoy being tickled.

why?

WHY???

i want answers.

come on. get creative.


Posted by theblackazure @ 8:39:00 PM
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Tuesday, December 6


maboohai ladies and gents!

kumustakayum?!

mahal kita!

ok. so those are the only 3 tagalog phrases i know. haha. and i suspect its not quite rite... phillipino fever lah.. since the sea games hype and all...

im generally impressed by the performance of the local athletes. u have to be lah.. especially if u're talking abt the younger ones.. like nicole tay, the gymnast. i watched her performance.. she fell off the balance beam tingie... THRICE. by the third time, she'd bruise her right hip bone.. she nearly burst out in tears sia. but she clenched her fists, shook her tears off and got back on again.

she lost lah. i mean.. its impossible to win if u fell off 3 times alreadi wat....

at the end of her routine, she burst out into a humongous, uncontrollable, shoulder-shaking tears.

10 mins later, she was out in the arena again.. this time for her floor exercise routine. i swear u cud see the fire burning in her eyes sia. it was redemption tt she sought. to cut the long story short, she got gold lah. GOOD for her sia. only 14 and accomplished so much alreadi. at 14, i was immersed in westlife and BGR. *shudder*

sorry for being AWOLthese few days. been reali busy with various stuffs. and the next week is gonna be very bz too.. i fell sick yesterday.. fever and vomitting.. still feeling cold-sweatish today. i suspect im in need of some serious retail therapy.. haha. nah.. im just so shagged ya know.. but hav to go on lor. no choice.

ok. i'll be back tmr or the day after next. so watch this space ya?



ps: dun mind the song. i like listening to violent songs when im sick. it amplifies the woozy feeling.


Posted by theblackazure @ 10:23:00 PM
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